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I'm surrounded by Idiots

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

As most of you know, I am currently one of the millions of Americans finding themselves unemployed.  So, I applied for umemployment compensation.  I receive a letter that stated I must show my mug at such and such time, at the nearest employment agency.

I rose from slumber this morning.  Got the boys off to school.  Dressed, in appropriate work attire, and headed down to make my prompt arrival at said employment agency as instructed.  OMG!  Now, when I received the notification, I thought, really?  They seriously want me to answer these questions?  None of them are relevant to me, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could have prepared me for this morning. 

I waited for 50 minutes to see the employment counselor, then we filled out the required paperwork together.  Question:  Why are you having trouble finding employment?  Answers available to check off:  Unable to read (well if that's the reason, it's not like I can READ this to know to check that answer), Drug/Alcohol addiction, Child Care, Lack of training, Lack of education, No Transportation (um...I'm here aren't I?), Convicted Felon/Sex Offender (I'm not on any lists!), several others just as ridiculous, and then my favorite, Financial.  Financial?  You can't get employed because you have financial what?   There was no option available that referenced THE ECONOMY EFFIN SUCKS.

My appointment was at 10:00 a.m., but the letter instructed me to arrive 10 minutes prior to appointment to get through registration.  Not really sure why they don't just make the appointment time 9:50 a.m., but  I won't be petty.  So arrive, 9:45 a.m., cause I'm an overachiever like that.  It's an employment agency for the state, affiliated with federal unemployment, it's purpose is to help you get another j-o-b.  You would think, when you arrive that the others seeking employment would dress to impress.  If that's what you thought, like me, you would so be mistaken.  I should have taken pictures.  Also, the letter stated that space was limited, and family members and children were not to accompany you.

OK - So other than the people who work for this office, I was THE ONLY person there who was dressed appropriately for going out in public, let alone for employment services.  Shorts, jeans with holes, sweatpants, leggings, flip flops, dirty tennis shoes, one guy had on NO SHOES, tshirts, and one lady skank had on a tank top so tight and SO low cut, I'm pretty sure I saw a nip slip.  OH GROSS!  AND, 4 out of  every 5 people that walked in the door also had a rugrat, or three attached to their hip.  Apparently the I CAN'T READ option was more often than not a checked response.

The employment guy showed me how to register, on one of them there computer things, so that I can make sure my unemployment benefits are not cut off.  FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS FUCKING HOLY!  I cannot believe that place was for real.  I felt like at any moment Ashton Kutcher was going to jump out and yell "you just got Punk'd".  Seriously, I kept laughing.  The poor guy that was helping me kept telling me that this is place is a serious service and that many people needed it.  I told him he must have the most thankless job ever.

I thanked him for helping me quickly so I could get outta the third ring of hell as fast as possible.  He thanked me for being, well, me.  He had spent over an hour with the person before me, and was running way behind thanks to his partner taking vacation this week and not telling the appointment desk.  We took, about 5 minutes, including the time it took to fill out the aforementioned ridiculous questionnaire.  The world is full of degenerates ya'll.  And as my buddy Travis would say, That's REAL!


Travis said...

Yep. Did you ever read my unemployment post? My experience was bad as well.

I am also surrounded by idiots.

We should pick teams, and have them shoot at each other with potato guns.

Meeko Fabulous said...

The things people leave the house in nowadays . . . Argh. Gross. I wonder if these people were fired because of their lack of professional dress attire?

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I think you need a good stiff one...and I mean drink...after that!

MJ said...

Unfortunately a lot of us have become immune that there are people out there who do not have the resources we do at our fingertips - that being said, yes it is wrong to show up looking like a rag-a-muffin or trashy, but do you know for a fact they have better clothes, shoes, etc.
I am just as guilty of said thinking but am slowly trying to change that.
*off soapbox*

Ed Adams said...

I like cheese.

Gubment cheese.

Lily said...

Sounds like pure hell.

But I bet wearing shoes AND a shirt really put you ahead of the competition...

Erin M. said...

That sounds horrible. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. ugh!

On another note, good for you for being early, for dressing appropriately (seriously, what is up, people? do you not know how to dress for important things?), and for being you.

Keep us posted!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Third ring of hell??? I thought you were surrounded by idiots, not gluttons.

LiLu said...

You're surrounded by idiots not at work, I'm surrounded by them at work... it's impossible to get away!

Daffy said...

I have to say I am a little disappointed that you didn't take any pictures AND failed to black out a tooth or two... I mean really...

kys said...

I've heard that the unemployment office can be more scary than Wal Mart on the first of the month.

I hope you get some work soon.

adrienzgirl said...

@trav - Yeah, seem to remember you had your visit with the degenerates too.

@meeko - Um...I dare say that there were no "professionals" there, other than moi. Unless a couple of the girls were "professional ladies" if ya know what I mean.

@Lee - Yes, and yes!!

@MJ - I see your point, however, the attire worn today wouldn't have gotten them hired at Wal-Mart.

@Ed - That is just wrong. I'm pretty sure they were all in line for cheese and peanut butter at some point this month.

@Lily - Yeah shoes, shirt, and teeth. One lady had NONE.

@Erin - Thanks for the hope in the search new j-o-b.

@mjenks - I'm pretty sure that there is some serious gluttony on some gubment cheese going on. The nip slip, 450lbs easy! PUKE!

@Lilu - FU, at least you are going to Costa Rica soon. Kidding, still love you.

@Duckaliscious - I am so sorry I failed you. I will let you flog me later lovah!

@kys - The People of Walmart didn't have shit on the masses surrounding me today!

Conquer The Monkey said...

oh, that is UNREALLLLLL, BUT YOU SAID IT'S REAL, and i believe you. that has got to be made into an SNL skit, but then they'd offend all the bozos, that might not be good for ratings.

holy hell bomb. and you had to witness a nip slip to boot? you need a drink!!!

Tater Tot Mom said...

My Dad worked for the Illinois Department of Employment Services. He could write a book with all the crazy shit he saw! Seriously, people are crazy. You'd think those questions were insane unless you actually stepped foot in an office. I remember him taking me to the office sometimes...that was an expereince. I'm scarred for life!

Anonymous said...

I am not really sure how to comment back but yeah Her cheeks r great for pinching...haha So sorry you are surrounded by Idiots... I do feel your pain... But at least now you can look back and laugh about that poor SKANKER who thought she was cute walking around like a NUB with her Nip slippin out... you should have walked up to her with a smile on your face and asked "A titie-bit nippley mam?" I am sure that would have turned your whole day around.

Moooooog35 said...

If all else fails, back alley prostitution is always an option.

Worked for me.

Mandi said...

Maybe the people that run the unempolymet office run wal-mart, too! Everything you described is like my trip to wal-mart. Bare feet, tons of kids, dirty ladies. at least we got a hilarious blog out of it.

Alycia said...

funnnnny! and now, if you need to go again, you know that you can get right outta that bed and go straight there. No need to get ready! :)