Well, friends it's that time where you all get to meet the man behind the curtains. Not, the Wizard. The man behind the madness that is me. I would only be half a person without him. He is the butt to my cheese. He is the cream to my coffee. He is the love of my life. I do believe that there is ONE true soul mate out there for everyone, and he is mine. He makes me laugh, we cry together. We love with PASSION, and we laugh with our whole hearts. He is the glue that holds this house of cards together.
I present: The Hubs (WARNING: This is totally unedited. DIRECTORS CUT. PLEASE STOP reading if you are easily offended! REALLY-just stop. NOW!)
Me: So, Big Daddy Cain, why did you marry Think Tank Momma?
BDC: Because you have big boobies, you cook real good, and you put your mouth on my weiner.
Me: You are a crude bastard.
BDC: I have parents. Laughs hysterically.
Commentary by BDC: You should put down this is not a guest post, but a guest interview blog. Mother Fuckas.
Me: You amuse yourself on a regular basis by making fun of me and the children. Would you care to speak to that?
BDC: It's just too easy. You all set yourselves up on a regular basis, and I just knock you down. Like the time you ripped the toilet seat off when you were drunk. I haven't figured that one out yet. I apologize for my rude behavior, and I love you. *takes another sip of 151 and coke*
Me: (after texting with my buddy Travis of I like to Fish) What is your favorite breakfast cereal and why?
BDC: I don't eat cereal for breakfast. But as a late night snack, I enjoy. Well, I am torn between two lovers. Lucky Charms are nice, because they got the little marshmallows. BUT, Honey Nut Cheerios *giggles* has a reference to masculinity in the title so they win my heart. Kinda like the phallic symbol that was on t.v. earlier tonight. (makes reference to the Washington Monument on Bones, go figure.)
Me: Again, a question from Travis. What are/were you favorite brand of condoms?
BDC: Well, I can count the number of condoms I have used on two hands. Trojan, spermicidal lubricated would be the only kind I've used. And, I hate them, so I guess they wouldn't be my favorite. I hate the way they are made for a man who is apparently 14" long which I am not. And they taste like shit anyways.
(Sidenote: I asked you know how they taste why? Response: I think I licked my finger after putting one on.) OMG!
Me: Travis would like to know are you a stand and wad or sit and fold?
BDC: Stand and wad? What the fuck is that? You sit and fold GodDamnit! I was just thinking I have asked that question myself. We took a survey at Trinity(where he used to work) on how many sheets of toilet paper, and whether or not you wipe and drop, or wipe and look to make sure you are clean. I wipe and look. I am not into the wipers and droppers, I think they are gross. BTW- If you stand and wad, don't you look like the hunchback of Notre Dame? (I got both pronunciations of Notre Dame from hubs) If you are used to hunching over, you may not be anyone I want to hang out with. Not that I have anything against gays. I think they are cool. But I am not hunching over for anyone. (Dawn, I am sorry for this.)
Me: Travis is apparently obsessed with your cleanliness, cause the next question is What do you wash first in the shower, and why?
BDC: I wash my feet first. And work my way to the top. Excluding the bung hole, which I save for THE very last. Which allows me to know, that the next person that grabs the soap, just touched my bung hole. (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY. )
Me: For EVERYONE's INFORMATION, I take baths in the other bathroom. I feel sorry for my children and I will no longer allow them to use Daddy's soap.
BDC: P.S. Just in case no one else has used the soap, I scrub the soap thoroughly with one of the kids' loofa sponges before I use it again. (Still laughing so hard he can barely speak.)
Me: Last question from Travis. What is your favorite television program, and why?
BDC: That's a hard question. *sigh* I watch a lot of t.v. shows. I think this last season of Rescue Me is my favorite. Not because of the sex or anything like that. But just the constant banter between the boys in the firehouse. Especially the episode with the Jergen's tanning lotion. I laughed so hard at that one I actually peed myself a little bit. Not to worry though I had on my plastic training pants.
Me: Cheese Doodle that was freakin' funny. But, I might not ever eat them again. Ever.
Me: What about now, what's your favorite on this season? Dexter? Castle? Hmm....?
BDC: I'd have to say Castle. Not only is Beckett, or whatever her name is really hot, there also happens to be a redhead on the show. I know she is too young, but she looks pretty good. I am kinda partial to redheads. But I love the humor on the show. And I hope that Castle gets a piece of what's her name soon. Oh yeah, I love the competition between the detectives in the office. I loved the episode with the betting. Member that? Homegrown chicken?
BDC: You're not writing that are you?
ME: Oh Fuck Yeah! I got skillz bitch, I used to do transcription for a livin'.
Me: Well, Big Daddy that was quite a coming out party. Anything else you want to say?
BDC: There's plenty more where that came from, just ask the right questions, and I will give you the answers.
Maybe your friends would like to have some more answers. Have them ask questions and we can do this again sometime.
Well, there you have it folks. Q&A with The Hubs. Aren't you just clamoring for more? If you are leave your questions in the comments, or email Think Tank Momma: adrienzgirl @ gmail (dot) com.
As always, I leave you with LOVE! and perhaps an apology for crude and lewd and lascivious posting.
Special thanks for impromptu questions to Travis! Love you buddy! Mwah!