***WARNING*** Big Daddy Cain interview. If you know me personally. You should stop reading NOW. (Linda this means you.)
I know that several of you are new, and I am sure you missed the first guest post with the hubs. He refers to himself as Big Daddy Cain (hence the BDC). Please go read it first so you understand his...um..err...humor. We will wait for you. *insert Jeopardy music here*
Another night of truth serum(aka Bacardi 151and Diet Coke) gives us the following Question and Answer session. Just so everyone is clear on how this works. I ask questions, he answers. I transcribe his exact words...no editing, no censoring. RAW, and UNCUT. I give you...my life.
Me: Big Daddy Cain, what do you think of the Lose It Bitches! Challenge?
BDC: I think it is great, except my wife has no ass or boobs anymore.
Me: Um....there is still plenty left.
BDC: I married a woman with jugs and ass and I'm not sure how I feel about them going away. It's like my girlfriend left me.
Me: Just so you know, I was 100 lbs. lighter when we got together.
Me: Your children made honor roll again. Are you proud of them?
BDC: I am really proud of my kids. They seem to be a lot smarter than their old man.
Me: They got it from their Momma.
BDC: Obviously. *eye roll*
Me: You mentioned that you will be starting a blog support group for men with wives who blog. You even got your son to support you in your efforts. Care to speak to that?
BDC: *hysterical laughter* I am working on ideas for my blog, however, the lack of support from my blogging wife is hindering my creative efforts.
Me: I have my own blogs to come up with creative material for.
BDC: I work 24 hours a day. That doesn't help.
Me: You seem to have no problem stretching the truth.
BDC: Excuse me?
Me: Did I stutter?
BDC: Explain to me exactly how I am stretching the truth please?
Me: You work 24 hours a day?
BDC: Well, if I am not at work I am asleep, so it might as well be 24 hours a day.
Me: Well, I don't even sleep. What do you think about that?
BDC: They make pills for that.
Me: So you have a new found love for Lady Gaga huh?
BDC: Lady Gaga needs to sit on my face and spin. And I love her music too.
Me: *shaking head*
Me: You have anything else you would like to comment on?
BDC: I think Conan O'Brien is the one and only host for The Tonight Show. Jay Leno can bite my ass.
Me: I thought you liked Leno?
BDC: I liked Leno until I found out he was an asshat. Now he can bite me.
Me: Asshat...nice word bubs.
BDC: I stoleded that from you. My words are not appropriate.
Me: Like what words?
BDC: Well, my words would have been, if you don't like that you can suck a dick. Or kiss my ass. Or go fuck yourself. Or go eat a dog turd. Or a cat turd. Or pretty much any kind of turd. Or my personal favorite, go shit in your own mouth.
Me: Sorry I asked.
BDC: giggles quite pleased with himself.
BDC: I crack myself up, and you can write that. Nobody is funnier than a man and his own mind.
Me: I'm pretty funny.
BDC: You're pretty funny?
Me: Yes...me. I am funny.
BDC: Well, you're funny in a girly kind of way, but I am fucking hysterical.
Me: *reads his statement back to him in question form*
Me: So, you don't think I am funny huh?
BDC: I didn't say that. I said you are funny in a girly way. I don't expect you to understand that.
Me: Oh please...explain away.
BDC: *giggling* Women have their own sense of humor. They don't understand poop, pee, fart, burp and all the things that are really humorous in life.
Me: You have met me right?
BDC: You don't find the stink of another's fart humorous. Even though I get pissed off at the boys, I understand the humor of their stench.
Me: So, if I were to say...savor the flavor....that would make me funny, not just girly funny?
BDC: That would make you funny, but that's my line. I'm pretty sure I should have that copyrighted.
Me: You stole asshat, just 5 minutes ago.
BDC: I borrowed asshat. BTW - I learned that word from a t.v. show about a woman sitting on men's heads and calling it asshat.
BDC: What? Ask me some more questions.
Me: Well, I think we have pretty much alienated all my readers. And we covered, that I am not funny. So, I think we are done here.
BDC: *looks at me bleary eyed* I love you?
Well, there you have it folks. Another Q&A with my very own Prince Charming. Ain't I a lucky gal?
Please, please....leave questions for Mr. Funny Man in the comments. He will be more than happy to answer anything you throw at me.
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