I was getting ready for my day. I took a nice long bubble bath. I got out, went through my everyday
I step on the scale, and that's when the verbal abuse started to take place.
Me: Wiping my eyes in disbelief. (I am half blind without my glasses, and obviously I am taking those bitches off for weigh in. Duh!)
Bitch: Heh. Why are you squinting fatass, the numbers aren't gonna change?
Me: Huh? the fuck?
Bitch: Yeah, I am talking to you, the lard ass that hasn't ever met a cake she didn't like!
Me: Looking around in disbelief
Bitch: Down here whale!
Me: Looking down and puzzled.
Bitch: O.k., apparently you are a stoopid bitch in addition to being an obese food addict.
Me: Ah. The scale is talking shit. Is it really necessary to talk to me that way? I am getting on a program starting today.
Bitch: Sure you are. (sarcasm was so thick I saw numbers roll as she rolled her eyes at me.)
Me: No really. I gotta do something and I made all my blog buddies part of a contest so I couldn't just ignore it anymore. AND Dual Mom double dog dared me.
From the bedroom I hear "Pshhhhhaaaaaw!"
Me: the fuck?
Bitch: Hey fat bitch, you are breaking my back, mind stepping the fuck off? And just so you know, that is the gym in there calling your triple sized fat ass a LIAR. Do me a favor too, would ya? Don't you dare step on me again until you and the Gold's bitch in the other room become real close. Like you and that bitch better become one. You better visit her every fucking day, and I suggest you work with her for at least an hour a day. AND stay outta the fridge. You get all that? Do I need to write it down for you? SPELL IT OUT?
Me: Stepping off. Look, it really isn't necessary to be that rude. I am doing something about it.
Bitch: *LOUD SIGH OF RELIEF*
I didn't wait for more insults, I just turned and walked out of the bathroom. As soon as I pushed the door from the bathroom into my bedroom I hear giggles. I cut some cool eyes to the corner where the Bitch Gold's Gym sits.
Gold's Bitch: Oh. yeah. give me dirty looks. Like it's my fault that I have become a clothes rack.
GB: You used me for what two months? Now I just catch your clothes. It's embarrassing really.
Me: Well, excuse me. I will be cleaning you off straight away. We have business you and I.
GB: Yeah yeah....I heard the conversation you had with the scale. I will believe it when I see it. Look at you.
GB: Girl, have you looked at your fat ass in the mirror lately?
Me: Yeah, I do everyday. Brush my teeth, brush my hair, put on moisturizer....
GB: Not that mirror. Go look at the full length one in the closet. You know, the one I bet your whole ass doesn't even fit in anymore.
GB: No, it's rude to step on the scale. It's rude to use a home gym as a clothes rack. It's rude to buy new clothes and then gain weight so they just collect dust in the closet. And don't even get me started about how rude you are to all those pretty red shoes. Let me clue you in on something fatass, flip flops, in the middle of winter, screams...FAT AND LAZY!
I walked out and slammed the door!
They might not take me seriously...but I know you all do!
Go follow us over at Lose It Bitches! There are a group of contributors including me and Dual Mom. There will be great content over there. Recipes, work out tips. ENCOURAGEMENT!
Starting photo. My camera isn't working. But this is recent and UN-FUCKING-FLATTERING. Me in all my gluttonous glory!