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Q&A with my Better Half?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

***WARNING***  Big Daddy Cain interview.  If you know me personally.  You should stop reading NOW. (Linda this means you.)

I know that several of you are new, and I am sure you missed the first guest post with the hubs.  He refers to himself as Big Daddy Cain (hence the BDC).  Please go read it first so you understand his...um..err...humor.  We will wait for you. *insert Jeopardy music here*

Another night of truth serum(aka Bacardi 151and Diet Coke) gives us the following Question and Answer session.  Just so everyone is clear on how this works.  I ask questions, he answers.  I transcribe his exact words...no editing, no censoring.  RAW, and UNCUT.  I give you...my life.

Me:  Big Daddy Cain, what do you think of the Lose It Bitches! Challenge? 
BDC:  I think it is great, except my wife has no ass or boobs anymore.
Me:  Um....there is still plenty left.
BDC:  I married a woman with jugs and ass and I'm not sure how I feel about them going away.  It's like my girlfriend left me.
Me:  Just so you know, I was 100 lbs. lighter when we got together.

Me:  Your children made honor roll again.  Are you proud of them?
BDC:  I am really proud of my kids.  They seem to be a lot smarter than their old man.
Me:  They got it from their Momma.
BDC:  Obviously. *eye roll*

Me:  You mentioned that you will be starting a blog support group for men with wives who blog.  You even got your son to support you in your efforts.  Care to speak to that?
BDC:  *hysterical laughter*  I am working on ideas for my blog, however, the lack of support from my blogging wife is hindering my creative efforts.
Me:  I have my own blogs to come up with creative material for.
BDC:  I work 24 hours a day.  That doesn't help.
Me:  You seem to have no problem stretching the truth.
BDC:  Excuse me?
Me:  Did I stutter?
BDC:  Explain to me exactly how I am stretching the truth please?
Me:  You work 24 hours a day?
BDC:  Well, if I am not at work I am asleep, so it might as well be 24 hours a day.
Me:  Well, I don't even sleep.  What do you think about that?
BDC:  They make pills for that.

Me:  So you have a new found love for Lady Gaga huh?
BDC:  Lady Gaga needs to sit on my face and spin.  And I love her music too.
Me: *shaking head*

Me:  You have anything else you would like to comment on?
BDC:  I think Conan O'Brien is the one and only host for The Tonight Show.  Jay Leno can bite my ass.
Me:  I thought you liked Leno?
BDC:  I liked Leno until I found out he was an asshat.  Now he can bite me.
Me:  Asshat...nice word bubs.
BDC:  I stoleded that from you.  My words are not appropriate.
Me:  Like what words?
BDC:  Well, my words would have been, if you don't like that you can suck a dick.  Or kiss my ass.  Or go fuck yourself.  Or go eat a dog turd.  Or a cat turd. Or pretty much any kind of turd.  Or my personal favorite, go shit in your own mouth.
Me:  Sorry I asked.
BDC:  giggles quite pleased with himself.

BDC:  I crack myself up, and you can write that.  Nobody is funnier than a man and his own mind.
Me:  I'm pretty funny.
BDC:  You're pretty funny?
Me:  Yes...me.  I am funny.
BDC:  Well, you're funny in a girly kind of way, but I am fucking hysterical.
Me: *reads his statement back to him in question form*
BDC:  Uh..Yeah!
Me:  So, you don't think I am funny huh?
BDC:  I didn't say that.  I said you are funny in a girly way.  I don't expect you to understand that.
Me:  Oh please...explain away.
BDC:  *giggling* Women have their own sense of humor.  They don't understand poop, pee, fart, burp and all the things that are really humorous in life.
Me:  You have met me right?
BDC:  You don't  find the stink of another's fart humorous.  Even though I get pissed off at the boys, I understand the humor of their stench.
Me:  So, if I were to say...savor the flavor....that would make me funny, not just girly funny?
BDC:  That would make you funny, but that's my line.  I'm pretty sure I should have that copyrighted.
Me:  You stole asshat, just 5 minutes ago.
BDC:  I borrowed asshat.  BTW - I learned that word from a t.v. show about a woman sitting on men's heads and calling it asshat.

BDC:  What? Ask me some more questions.
Me:  Well, I think we have pretty much alienated all my readers.  And we covered, that I am not funny.  So, I think we are done here.
BDC:  *looks at me bleary eyed*  I love you?

Well, there you have it folks.  Another Q&A with my very own Prince Charming.  Ain't I a lucky gal?

Please, please....leave questions for Mr. Funny Man in the comments.  He will be more than happy to answer anything you throw at me.

45 comments:

ScoMan said...

He's right, nobody is funnier than a man in his own mind. And girls aren't as funny as men.

I don't have a wife who blogs, but I would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

Secretia said...

You found your true love with that man.

Secretia

Quixotic said...

Hmm... maybe I should sign my hubs up to his bloggy support group?? Nah, bugger it - he already sounds enough like yours as it is!!!

Trac~ said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing - have a great day! :o)

Robin said...

Great post..great idea...to actually write down what the hubs says...and save for later dates like when they say.."i never said that"...he is very funny too.!

Dual Mom said...

"...and his own mind" that would be the operative part of that statement. Only in their own mind are they really that funny.

You're hubs is pretty funny, and he's got a potty mouth which makes him a superstar.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

DBC is hysterical. Ask him if he could be any animal, what would he be and why?

Mrsblogalot said...

You are BOTH funny!!! And I don't mean that in a girlie kinda way either funny man!

This cracked me up!!!!!!! Is there a Vlog interview somewhere in the future????? Hopefully (-:

Corrie Howe said...

Personally I think he should start a blog support group. But I'm wondering if he works 24 hours a day and you are blogging in the middle of the night how he'll actually be able to blog.

BTW, I'm totally in love with your husband.

Erin said...

DBC cracks me up. Savor the flavor? Priceless! Love these interviews! Makes me wanna do one!

Danielle said...

Too, too funny. DBC is priceless! ... I am thinking of some questions. I will be back!!

xoxo
Danielle

Sharon said...

Haha I love BDC. He should have his own blog!

Shell said...

He and my Hubs could have their own man show.

Christine said...

WHAT A HOOT!!! Omg, the Lady Gaga referral and Jay Lenno the 'asshat' made me LOL. :P That some funny stuff I tell ya!

Travis said...

I'm driving down to Florida to shake hands with this man.

Oh. And for a vacation.

I can stay wit you?

I can personally promise a fart production increase of 48 percent.

Moooooog35 said...

Wait.

You TALK to your husband?

Weird.

Quirkyloon said...

It's a "rah, rah, rah and a ga, ga, ga"!

I just heard that song for the first time yesterday.

She's a wierd chick.

Am I gonna get kicked off yer blog for saying that?

I hope not!

Funny interview!

Daffy said...

"I crack myself up, and you can write that. Nobody is funnier than a man and his own mind"

He also used Asshat...

Good stuff friend...good stuff. And how could that possibly alienate readers? Seriously!

My nephew seems to think his farts are the equivalent to the Magic 8 Ball...ask him a question and he'll fart to figure out the answer. Does BDC believe there is any truth to this?

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Your man sounds as egotistical as mine! Good thing mine can back it up....sounds like yours might be able to back it up as well. lol

Thank goodness for funny men. Funny men are HOT!! They all get old and flabby one day, but at least we'll always be entertained! :)

That One Mom said...

LMAO!! He is pretty funny... But clearly not as funny as you.

June said...

Sorry Big Daddy but that beautiful red head you love so much is funnier... just sayin'

Mae Rae said...

i am coming with travis for your state of mind only. Your man is funny and as you could tell from my post the other day...boys like farts, balls, poop and other boy stuff. You are bumming! This is the life.

LMJ said...

LMAO! this is good sh*t!!!
My husband works "24 hours" as well, so he claims, "while I sit at home and do NOTHING!"

blueviolet said...

You and your hubs make a good pair! But he did steal asshat. Let's get that straight right now.

The Blue Zoo said...

Im really gonna laugh my ass off when it comes out that "Lady Gaga" is really a man. Then we'll see if he still wants 'It' to "sit and spin"...

Loved the interview! its good to know my husband may be more normal than I thought...

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

oh good Lord. You and i need a 12 step problem for loving our husbands with these mouths.

Please have your husband read my posting from yesterday on my husband. They are two little peas in a foul pod.

Me-Me King said...

LMFAO!!! The Lady GaGa Q&A is my favorite.

Oh, please video tape this if it ever happens. Thanks.

drollgirl said...

oh, you are quite the couple!

and the guy's ALWAYS think they are the funny ones. ALWAYS.

The Peach Tart said...

Ya'll are two peas in a pod.

The Peach Tart said...

Ya'll are two peas in a pod.

Busted Kate said...

Ok, a couple of things.

First, this is THE MOST hysterical bit of blogging I've ever read. And I've read a lot of funny stuff.

I actually SNORTED and spit out my water that I was drinking when I read the previous interview, more specifically at the part where you hubby says he does his butthole last so he knows the next person gets his butthole particles. Messed up? Yes. F'ing hysterical? Completely! I snorted, then coughed, and my assistant came running in and I had to make an excuse that my water went down the wrong tube. You almost got me busted!!

Second, I love a man who loves a full-figured woman.

Third, I agree that Conan is the man and Leno is an Asshat. Where will Conan go?? I hope he gets a no-holds-barred cable show and the masterbating bear returns.

Fourth, I can almost guarantee my husband will be down for your hubby's support group. Seriously, let's set them up. I'd really really like to see this. My hubby's not as funny as yours, but he sure as hell thinks he is! And then you and I can team up to make fun of them.

Finally, I love you more now than I ever have... and if you lose even one reader for sharing this awesomeness, well then I'll have to come back 10x more per day to make up the difference. You rule!! I bow to the Awesomeness.

Alex said...

Love BDC...love a man that loves his wife's butt and boobs just how they are...

And for the record - YOU'RE FUNNIER!

domesticgoddess said...

Man, I wish my husband was that quirky, mine's just dumb.

Nancy C said...

If Conan farted on air, would your husband's head explode?

Ed Adams said...

Nothing makes for open and honest conversations like a little alcohol.

Good stuff BDC.

I can agree with most of what he said.

GunDiva said...

My husband is also a Lady GaGa fan, but not nearly as funny as yours. In fact, both he and my daughter were giving me funny looks when I was reading your previous interview. I had tears running down my face and I'm pretty sure I got a must excellent ab workout!

gayle said...

I would love to visit you 2!! So funny!!

foxy said...

OMG. That totally could have been me and my hubs in those same seats, saying those same words. How funny!

Okay, so I'm glad you made surferwife's "list of crazies" with me! Because I am made to be here.

Cheers!

Alicia said...

hahahaaa! match made in heaven!! but he's right...leno is an asshat!!! as for the lady gaga lovin'....i think i just vomited slightly in my mouth...she's so not cute....

Iva said...

a match made in heaven for sure!! ;)

GunDiva said...

RockCrawlinChef wants to know if BDC has ever thought about the fact that the kids' loufa spongy-thingy has probably been used to wash their bung holes? 'Cause if they have, he's grinding their bung hole nastiness into his soap that he's going to wash his body with. Just a thought from my twisted husband...

Sheila said...

Thanks for the warning for Linda.. she gets a kick out of your warning and it does keep her from reading... I on the other hand am a little braver and enjoy your writings...

Buffee said...

So Lady GaGa. . . I guess William isn't the only one!

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