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TMI Thursday - The Curious Case of Green Smoke

Thursday, January 14, 2010

You know what time it is, that special day of the week when half the blogosphere shares way too much information with the rest of the blogosphere about shit, snot, sex and other unmentionables. So, grab the button and run over to link up with the always over the top and fabulous LiLu.

TMI Thursday


When my middle son Kooper was a baby he had the strangest bowel movements.  Seriously.  They were always clean and little rabbit pellet type droppings.  There was never any need for more than one wet wipe, and that one always came out clean.

One night after a long day at my parents, the hubs, Kooper and I were headed home.  At the time we lived about 35 minutes from my parents house.  We made a quick trip to Wal-Mart.  I put the bags in the trunk, and hopped in the car to turn on the heat as it was cold outside, while the hubs buckled Kooper in his car seat.  I silently let one rip.  Uh-Oh!  I knew immediately that it was going to be bad, it had that burn.  Yet, there is nothing I can do at this point.  It had already escaped the clothing and was not to be trapped in the seat.  It quickly started to permeate the car.  The hubs jumps in the front seat and puts his seat belt on and I back out and start moving about the time it hit our nostrils.

Hubs:  "OMG...what the hell is that smell?"
Me:  "Ecccckkkk!  Oh my...gag....was that you?"
Hubs:  "No...God, is that coming in from outside?"
Me:  gagging...."No I don't think so..."
Both of us roll down the windows.
Hubs:  "Kooper must be sick.  We are going to have to ride with the windows down the whole way home."
Me:  "Should we pull over and change him?"
Hubs:  "Naw...it's too cold.  Just keep the windows down so we can circulate air."

We arrive home.  Hubs grabs the kiddo and I gather the bags.  Once we get upstairs the hubs takes the kiddo to immediately change his diaper.  He comes out of Koop's room with a puzzled look on his face.

Me:  "Was it that bad?  Diarrhea?"
Hubs:  "No."
Pause.


Hubs:  "He was clean."
Me:  "Oh...the pellets again."
Hubs:  "No...he wasn't even wet.  No poop, no pee, no nothing."
Me:  "No way."
Hubs:  "Serious.  He must have some wicked stomach cramps.  Maybe you should give him something.  That was the worst gas I have ever smelled.  EVER.  I thought I was going to find something DEAD in there."
Me:  "Sure thing.  I will give him some of the pink stuff."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>FAST FORWARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Five years or so later.  We are all sitting at the table playing cards and the hubs has cleared the room already several times due to sharing the essence of chili cheese fries with those playing cards.  He begins to retell the tale of the green smoke that filled the car compliments of one toddler named Kooper.  I start to laugh.  I can't help it.  He has told this story a gazillion times, but this time, it just struck me and I lost it.  I am laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face.  I replay the scene from Liar Liar, with Jim Carrey in my head where he gets out of the elevator and turns around and says "It was me."  I am laughing uncontrollably at this point.  Red face, tears, can't catch my breath, gasping for air, abs screaming in pain for the madness to stop...I look bleary eyed across the table at the hubs.  His face turns white, his eyes widen and his jaw drops.

I squeal out..."It was me............................"

37 comments:

Dual Mom said...

You are so freaking nasty Zgirl. Poor Kooper being blamed for your shitty smells. Hehehe isn't it great being able to blame things on the kids.

Alex said...

Oh noooooooooo! You evil woman, don't ya know you have to leave a little mystery! That's why God invented kids!

Secretia said...

I would never have told him! Couldn't take a chance on it being a romance killer, and he would always suspect me after that, hahaha

Quixotic said...

OMG!! You're a braver woman than me, I would've taken that one to the grave...

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

You know I love you...You gave me my first morning laugh...

Kate said...

Ha ha thanks for the laugh. A little mean but I would have done the same thing...

Kate x

Peterson Family said...

I woulda been saying "I don't think it was the baby" and then glaring at him. People would believe that.....

And didn't you know the rule "Never admit to anything"?????

Corrie Howe said...

I chuckled too. I can't believe you where able to keep it a secret that long. It must have been a memorable scene for hubs to keep retelling it over and over the last five years.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

ROFLMAO!!! That is hillarious! I don't have the priveledge of green flares. I have sound. But once in awhile I get flares, and it's payback time. I proudly wiggle my green poofy bottom in the direction of hubs and say,"You smell that bitch! Yeah, payback!"

LOL!

June said...

Thanks TNT for my big morning chuckle!!

That is some serious hang-time if you still smelled it in the car for a 30 minute drive!

Ed Adams said...

Ha! Vile, and yet curiously funny.

BigSis said...

I blame so much stuff on my kid. This was HYSTERICAL! I am envisioning the green gas.

Moooooog35 said...

You sound dainty.

Quirkyloon said...

Hey that's what kids (and dogs) are for!

I don't see a problem with what you did.

*grin*

Brittney said...

Haha that was hilarious!! 5 whole years... and Im so picturing the Jim Carey scene!! haha awesome post :)

Daffy said...

Thank god farts don't really poof out in colors...there would be NO blaming my way out of that one.

You are such agas!

Me-Me King said...

OMG! I can't believe you outed yourself. Never cop to anything. LMAO!

Noelle said...

you are a strong woman, keeping that secret for so long! i can never keep a straight face!

Shell said...

That's hilarious! My Hubs would have blamed me from the start, though.

The Blue Zoo said...

I can't believe you told him!! LOL I would have NEVER told my husband. LOL He would hold it over me forever!

Danica-Dragonfly said...

Heh heh ... that is too funny!

Amber said...

OMG that is hilarious! I could not stop laughing!

P said...

Hahaha!

From the sounds of it, you're lucky you didn't follow through after the fart!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

THAT is awesome! Seriously.

And not sure why I don't follow you already. I see you everywhere and we have all teh same blogs in common!!

LMJ said...

LMAO!!!
Wish I had a little one to blame it on before!

Lily said...

EPIC!
I laughed my ass off!

Kat said...

Oh Good God! I would nevvvverrrr fess up to THAT one! LMAO!!! You are too much!

blueviolet said...

That was so hilarious! Best story ever.

Nancy C said...

Really, what's the point of having kids if we can't blame them for our evil farts?

gayle said...

That is so funny!!! I am surprise that you didn't tell him sooner...
I can just see you laughing!!

Unknown Mami said...

You told that perfectly. As I was reading this, my husband let one rip.

ScoMan said...

Haha I guess you can only lie for so long. Especially if people keep bringing up the story and reminding you of your sins.

Army5MaMa said...

LOL.....Hilarious! Amazing you got away with it for so long.

emily said...

amazing! that is all i can say.

kys said...

I wouldn't have owned up to it. Ever.

Erin said...

PRICELESS! I'm laughing that you finally admitted it was you. I probably would've tried to carry that one to my grave. BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA

Noelle said...

I'm laughing so much I have tears...

I think it was your description of you laughing. :)