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Memoir Monday: Get your Licks in When You Can

Monday, January 25, 2010



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It's Memoir Monday again.  My good buddy TravyG over at I like to Fish hosts this, and according to him the only requirement for our Memoir is that it be true.  So get your butt out of the corner, reach deep into those memory recesses like Little Jack Horner, and pull out a plum(memory).

When I was little, my Dad used to rough house with all of us.  I have two younger sisters and a younger brother.  I am almost nine years older than my brother, 4 years older than my baby sister and 19 months older than my other sister.  My Dad wrestled with all of us girls like we were a house full of boys.

He had a ritual down that would almost inevitably get us to cry "I Give." aka as "uncle".  He would push your hair off your forehead and spat it, repeatedly.  He would grab a handful of hair and pull up, not hard, just enough, and then ask you if you liked your hair raising experience.  He would tickle us until we laughed so hard it hurt.  He had a claw hand he made and would grab your sides and call them horsey nibbles.  But the one that no matter what else you had endured, would always make you say "I give!" was his infamous eyeball lick.  WHAT?  I know you are thinking WTF?

That's right.  My Dad would lick our eyeballs.  Well, you know not literally the eyeball itself, but full open mouth tongue run across your eyes, which makes you close them really tightly.  But, regardless, it was disgusting.  It's still disgusting. 

I have had the pleasure of repaying my good ol' Dad for that little treasure though.  I have three boys.  I have shared the experiences of my youth with them.  Shared the essence of GrandDad if you will.  I taught them well.  However, after years of abuse experience, I knew in order to put those skills to good use, against he who had gotten me so many times, I had to teach my boys stealth.  Why?  We tested it out on our own Daddy.  In order to get the hubs, you gotta be good.

So, to get them both, my hubs and my dad, I have taught my sweet affectionate little boys to pretend to want to give hugs and kisses.  They have to get them both when they(Daddy and GrandDad) least expect it.  They just have to bust it out when they can.  Cause in a war, we (me and the boys) always lose.  So now, we plot.  We are stealthy.  We look at those big men all sweet and innocent.  We go in for a kiss, and then swipe that tongue right across their eyeballs.

First and only rule in "I Give" Wars.  You gotta get your licks in when you can!

35 comments:

Secretia said...

That is a new one on me. Hope my boyfriend never reads this!

Secretia

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That just leaves this image in my mind that I can't erase...thanks for that!! LOL!

Terry said...

ewww eye licking...that is soooooo gross!!

Mandi said...

That is soooo Funny! I feel your pain. My daddy did "doggy licks" I as well have trained Abi to be smart and go in for a hug/kiss and get Papa when she can. It is as good as magic. Nothing like sweet unexpected revenge.

Mrsblogalot said...

LOL! This must be a real boy thing. But we can be much sneakier in our attacks!!!

Dual Mom said...

GROSS! Eyeball licks? Really?

It's no wonder you're the way you are. :0)

Mae Rae said...

that is great. my dad did somewhat of the same thing only not spit or eyeball licks. he could bring his lips all the way back and up and it was disgusting. the look was worse then the kisses but you knew you were going to be covered in drool.

Ed Adams said...

By the title of this post, I thought it was going to be about something completely different.

However, this was pretty funny.

I will be going home at lunch to stealthly lick the wife.

I might try licking her eyeballs also.

Daffy said...

*gag* Stealth is good...I'm proud your boys are developing such wonderful skills under your tutelage. I always want to be on your good side!

Tiffany said...

tongues and eyeballs almost seem unholy--or like the absolute best way to get back at somebody. :)

LMJ said...

LOL!
ew!
LOL!

Travis said...

That is insanely nasty.

But also cool as hell, and I want to do it to The Missus.

I'll let you know the expense of my hospital bill, so you can chip in some.

Thanks for sharing, lady. :)

Quirkyloon said...

Double ewww!

Eyeball licking.

Eeew!

LOL!

Moooooog35 said...

If licking eyeballs is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Actually...I do. I want to be right. That is really really disgusting.

Me-Me King said...

Ahahahaha, I must try this one on the grandkids, hopefully it will make them cry!

The Blue Zoo said...

yuck. That is just SO gross!! Thank God none of my boys read your blog! About the first time one of them tried to lick MY eyeball I'd smack the crap out of them! LOL

Unknown Mami said...

People need to start wearing goggles around you guys! Too funny. I have to say I've never heard of eyeball licking.

Alicia said...

goo....eyeball licking???? gives me the heebie jeebies...although the hubs is all over a good licking every now and again!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I had a friend who had an eyeball-licking fetish. He would only date girls who would let him lick her eye and then she'd have to do the same to him.

Good old Andrew...

Nancy C said...

I am going to do all that I can to ensure nobody in my family discovers this, because I have a feeling eyeball licking=crack.

And that...is whack.

drollgirl said...

that is so gross! but hilarious! and effective!!!!

Iva said...

EWWWW but totally hilarious!! LOL Happy Monday!

foxy said...

Oh man, that is funny! Strange, but dang funny!

Erin said...

I bet my Abby would love this, given her propensity for licking/touching tongues, etc. LOL

Meeko Fabulous said...

OMG . . . I'm so glad I didn't have a dad growing up . . . I dunno if I could deal with that . . . LoL!

Meeko Fabulous said...

OMG . . . I'm so glad I didn't have a dad growing up . . . I dunno if I could deal with that . . . LoL!

Corrie Howe said...

That is disgusting. But I know what you mean about rough housing with daddy and then teaching the kids the tricks.

ScoMan said...

So THAT'S what kindness, sweetness and love are good for.. setting a trap..

Thanks for the tip!

Matty said...

This post brings back a lot of good memories with my own children, so I can totally relate to everything you've described.

My three children are now grown, but when they were coming up, we would "horse play" all the time. Rolling around, wrestling, and general goofing around with them climbing all over me was par for the course. Tickling them silly until they cried and almost lost their breath was part of the action. No, I didn't lick their eyeballs, but each dad has his own thing. I would throw them over my shoulder, walk around the house and yell out "free smacks". My wife or the company would then "paddle" them with a soft tap or two.

Thanks for conjuring up some fond memories. As a grandfather of three, I now get to relive those days.

moorebloglife said...

What a great memory a little slurpy but sweet!

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo.. umm yeah that is a new one on me and one I would holler I give at too.. bleeeccchhhh... found ya at Travis and am a new follower

Amber said...

Sounds gross but fun at the same time!

Secret Agent K said...

ewe dude ewe I can't even go near my eye ball without flinchin like someone threw a rock at my face...

Oh and your layout is awesome and I'm slightly wishing you harm now out of jealousy but I still totally have a girl crush on you...

In a totally gay way yeaaaaa!~

gayle said...

Oh the things our parents did to us that we do to our kids!! Great story!!

Michele said...

That's totally a new one to me!!

I used to do that to my dad's eye glasses - Drove him nuts. now... my daughter does it to me. Go figure LOL

Great story. And also wanted to say what an awesome writer you are as well. ;)