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GWA: The Sleepless in.....the sticks.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Think Tank Momma





It's time to whip up our favorite Tuesday recipe for the thankless!   A little Thanks, a FISTFUL of Attitude and if needed, a middle finger!
Grab the code.
Write your letters.
Gratitude with Attitude begins now!





Dear Loser with the Worst Job Ever Door to Door Meat Salesman,
Thank you for knocking on my door to try and persuade me that I need your cheap meat.  Thank you for waking me as I had just finally gotten to sleep after being up most of the night with my newborn.  Thanks for continuing to insist that you have the best deals going when I obviously was not interested.  Surely you didn't think that if you just asked a different way that I would ignore the fact that I said NO. Here's a tip, you know, to keep you out of jail in the future, NO means NO.
Sincerely,
Never gonna buy your frozen crap!

Dear Blind and Brave Bible Thumpers,
Thank you for rapping so loudly at my front door that not only did you wake me up, but you also woke the newborn, I JUST GOT TO SLEEP.  Let's step back a moment and talk about the signs that you obviously missed on your way in my neighborhood.  Did you not see all the signs stating beware of pitbulls?  Did you not see the Confederate Flags flying in every other yard?  Not that I mind that two black women go door to door preaching The Bible, but I couldn't go back to sleep once I told you not interested for fear of your safety.  It just isn't safe out here with all the stupid fucktard inbred  rednecks who don't realize that the South lost in the sticks for you to be preaching door to door.
Sincerely,
Still not interested but Concerned for your safety.


Dear NBC,
Thank you for leaving me with nothing to watch in late night.  ASSHATS?!?  Thank you for reminding me just how much you suck with all the stupid "Get back to where you once belonged" Jay Leno commercials while I was watching The Olympics.  Given that I am up all night these days, it would be nice to see my buddy Conan.  Nothing like rubbing salt in an open wound NBC.
Eff Off,
Still Pissed about your bad programming decision

Well, that's it Smackers.  If you haven't seen me lately, I am around.  I have been visiting here and there.  I leave comments when I can.  I will be back to normal soon....

Love!


44 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...

Doesn't that just figure! When I got home from the hospital with my newborn, I got so fed up with the daily bullshit knocking at the door that I made a sign to stick on it.

worked like a charm! Everyone who rang that bell or knocked on that door did so at their own risk!

Secretia said...

Door to door meat and seafood salesmen, working out of the back of their cars with dry ice. They make ok money too 100 to 500 a day possible. That stuff is wildly overpriced, usually they go to businesses a lot where people have access to cash they can borrow for the impulse purchase. They are annoying for sure. My friend did it for a while some years ago.

Secretia

BigSis said...

I HATE randoms knocking on my door. I even hate the Girl Scouts. If I wanted cookies, I'd get them. I have no need for them to come after me!

Ian said...

I fucking hate Jay Leno. I have blogged to death about that no talent hack. What a piece of crap and I never watch him anyway. I used to back in the day but that was when he was funny.

Bible thumpers...lol FTW!

Travis said...

I followed Conan on Twitter the other day.

His bio says: I used to have a show. Then I had another show. Now I have a Twitter account.

I felt so bad I almost cried, then I laughed. I miss that tall lanky bastard.

Dual Mom said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd be punching them all in the throat.

Don't worry, she's got to sleep eventually, right? RIGHT?

Alison said...

Oh I am so sorry that she is keeping you up so much....I have been lucky the Grand...Mr.Peanut as we call him is a good sleeper. I sure hope your little one makes her way to sleep soon for you

Laura said...

Ugh, meat salesmen creep me out. I mean really around here they are in these beat up old pick up trucks and look like they would be selling me Meth in another part of town!

From one Mom to another. I used to hang a sign on the front door that said "Baby Sleeping Do NOT ring doorbell or knock"

MindyMom said...

I'm SO with you on the NBC programming. I miss Conan!! And Poker After Dark can suck it!

June said...

Maybe you should post a sign on your door "Sleeping Momma & Baby - Knock at your own risk"

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Oh, honey...one day you will get some sleep...okay...maybe not...

The Insatiable Host said...

I hope that you do find your Momma Zone...I remember all too well when the fucking drunk shittards in my neighborhood were screaming on our street...it was worse than that Tranny episode with Samantha screaming out in the meatpackin district in SITC...the girls were 13 months and new born and they both woke up at 3 am and didn't go to sleep until 11 am the next day...it felt aweful, I was a mess...I learned a lesson that day ...

Regardless...I love the Bible Thumpers and Pitbulls with Confederate Flags.. classic!!

Hope you're great!!

Danon

www.instaiablehost.blogspot.com
www.pantypyramid.blogspot.com

The Blue Zoo said...

Im with Juney. You definitely need a sign. One that tells people to get the hell off your porch!

Moooooog35 said...

That's why I always answer the door with a pitchfork.

Speaking backwards always helps, too.

You're welcome.

Alicia said...

ughhhh why does the fact the jay leno is back on just piss me off??? i miss coco!! and dude...the meat salesmen are just CREEPY!!!! they may as well just wear shirts that say ex-convict.

Homesick Cajun said...

First I would go buy a HUGE no soliciting sign, then I'd yell "no honey, put the gun away!" before I open the door!! Lol.. Sorry you're not getting any sleep honey!

That One Mom said...

I cannot stand Leno. What is with NBC's love affair with him? First, they pick him over Dave... Then Conan?!?!?! Dumbasses.

LMJ said...

I don't care for Leno. I saw him one time in his new 9 pm time (nothing else was on TV), and it sucked assholes.

Yeah, I hate it when people come by unannounced! My neighbors did that last week, and myhouse was a mess! I was so embarrassed!

Growing up, I lived in the projects first, then a trailer park. We always had Mormons in our area...EVERYDAY, knocking our house.

Me-Me King said...

Keep a black cloak and a candle by the door. The next time someone comes a knockin', don this witchy outfit. That will keep them all at bay.

Quirkyloon said...

You are so creative. I bet you could come up with a cute and sweet sign.

On your doorbell:

Touch it and DIE!

Or something like that.

heh heh heh

Nancy C said...

Oh MY GOD! One of those meat truck people told me FUCK MYSELF when I refused to buy his meat. Truth.

I hate them with a passion of one million white hot suns and tell everybody not to buy their cheap-ass Mad Cow Disease-infested gristle.

A Mother's Thoughts said...

Those were frigg'in funny! So it sounds like you on'y get visitors early in the morning! Weird! Anyway, I hope that you can catch up on your sleep this week!

Lynn

Shell said...

You need a sign for your door that says LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

Then maybe you could get some sleep.

Daffy said...

It would ALWAYS work out that no sooner than I finally got Girlie down to sleep than some jackshit salesman/mailman/fedex/ups/neighborkid/cablejackass/shithead would knock on my door. I finally put a sign up. Real big.

It said: DO NOT KNOCK OR RING BELL. BABY IS SLEEPING AND I WILL FUCKING EAT YOU IF YOU WAKE HER UP!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

One good thing about living in the country, when the littlest hillbilly was little nobody knocked. Except the relatives, but they didn't knock, they called stupid phone ringing was just as bad as a door!!

I feel ya.

Angelia said...

A meat salesman once hinted at the fact that if I needed, he could take my payment in foodstamps. I lost it. Told him to get out and that I thought door to door meat sales is discusting and he should be ashamed. Efftards.

singedwingangel said...

Perfect sign for the door.. Newborn nd sleep deprived momma knock on this door and you will get handed the bucket of dirty diapers IF I actually can see your hand perhaps your hard head would make a better target..just sayin

Quixotic said...

Gah! Don't you HATE that! I lived in an area ful of bloody door-to-door marketers when GG was a bub, in the end I put a sign on the door to the effect off "Shh!!! New Baby and her Mama sleeping. Wake us and I'll cut you!".
Would you beleive that asshats still bashed on the door. I even had one with the termerity to suggest I was failing in parenthood because I hadn't taught her to sleep through noises. I think that guy's ears are STILL ringing with the serve I gave him!!!

Kat said...

Oooo those door-to-door meat salesmen...I hate when they come by, on a hot summer day...and it feels like they are trying to get you to take part in a bargain - of meat they have been hauling around in the back of their truck since like yesterday...ewwwww!

I have something for you at my site, so come on over and get it!

http://2010-year-of-miracles.blogspot.com

Alex said...

Honestly, who sells meat door to door?

Frickin door to door salesmen ALWAYS knock on my gate (I disconnected the bell) just as I'm boobing the baby to sleep. I've had one let themselves in and walk straight into my loungeroom with a cheery "Helloooo!" Sight of my boob hanging out did not deter this woman.

Makes me want to stab them. With a fork. In the eye.

Sorry, venting.

sarah @ i run with scissors said...

Found your site through Insatiable Host and freaking loving it!!! I saw her gratitude with attitude and just had to find the original author. I will most definitely be joining in the future to blast out some gratitude with attitude. Oh dear girl... you kill me.

Dez said...

I found your site through Angel Believes and I'm lovin it! Too, too funny. Sorry about the fucktards that woke you and your baby up. People selling anything, whether it's cheap meat or religion, door to door piss me off. I'd live to have a "Eff you very much" sign for my front door.

Tracie said...

I feel your pain. When my oldest was a baby there were idiots ringing my doorbell all damn day. I finally put up a sign.

Holly said...

It is like the meat salesmen and the bible thumper ladies know when a baby is at a home. I had a huge influx of these people when I had my daughter...and they just do not get it. I even had some early election people then...they got all of my rage and grumpiness from sleepless nights.

vinomom said...

Damn for living in the sticks you sure get a lot of random people at your door! I've never once seen a meat salesman here and I'm in the suburbs!

Hope you and the baby got some good sleep!

Erin said...

I put a sign on my door too when we got the girls home from the hospital....

Fortunately I've never had a meat salesman knock on my door. I think I would puke on him! GROSS!

Ed said...

I hate those meat guys.

I sic the dog on them.

Why not? They already smell like meat.

Viv said...

I tell the meat sales guys that we're Vegans. Then I try to convert them. I offer them books and everthing. I'm not Vegan. I love my steak...but, only the newbies knock on my door now.

The Comcast guys also piss me off. They ignore the "Baby Sleeping" signs that I plaster to my door. Just this week I've gotten Comcast crap from a Roy, a Wally, and some other dude. Let's stagger those sales areas, shall we?

For the Bible Thumpers/Mormons/etc if I don't manage to open the door while drinking beer (on accident) I try the, "Do I know you, because I don't think I can hold these dogs back much longer?" line.

ScoMan said...

I noticed a theme in today's post.

I don't open the door unless I know who is going to be on the other side of it. If you think you can just pop in on me, you've got another think coming.

blueviolet said...

I just can't do the Jay Leno thing ever again. I'm over him.

gayle said...

I hate when someone comes to my door that I don't know...let alone waking me up!!

Jen said...

i didnt share this week, but I have some coming up :P

Unknown Mami said...

We need to put a sign up on your door so people do not knock! Maybe something like, "GO AWAY!"

Corrie Howe said...

I'm so with you on TV at night. And I want to know why DirectTV doesn't have a headline news like station on at night? Is there no news in the world after 11 pm?

Not that I want to be depressed about what is going on in the world, but surely news headlines has to be better than what else is offered after 11:30 p.m.!!!!