Now, it's time for Memoir Monday, sponsored by our one and only TravyG over at I Like to Fish.
The year is 1999, and there is mass hysteria and anticipation for the ball to drop. Obviously the world is ending and all computers are going to stop working and production of all the computerized manufactured products are going to cease working and OMG! the world is going to blow up (No worries though, all the important shit is made in China by people and they don't have computer chips, yet.). Everybody remember that? Probably the biggest let down since the first sexual experience of your life right??
So for the big New Year's Bash and the turn of the century, my girlfriend, her ex-husband and I went out on the town. We decided to go to The Landing in Jacksonville. It is right on the St. John's River and where we were promised THE best fireworks show in the history of the world. O.K. Not the history of the world, but certainly the history of Jacksonville.
After shuffling through all the people packed into The Landing we decide to walk across the Main Street Bridge and head over to River City Brewery. They have a cool balcony and deck where we can find the primo spot to watch THE fireworks show! As the night gets closer and closer to the big moment, by bladder seems to be getting fuller and fuller. Did I mention how many people there were? Did I mention it was supposed to be THE Fireworks Display to end all fireworks displays?
So it's like 20 minutes till THE big show and well, I gotta go. There is no holding it. I squeeze my way through the sardine sea of people and make it to the LLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE.
OMG! The line is definitely like 45 minutes long. Literally. If I stand in this line I will miss THE fireworks. Shit. Double Shit! I lament with a couple of the girls. We watch the men's line moving like greased lightning. The wait is maybe 5 minutes. Some of the girl's say that they wish they were ballsy enough to use the men's room. SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH! Ballsy chic? Check!
Step to the left. That's me! I get in the men's line. Fuck it! I am not missing THE fireworks display to end all fireworks displays. I should probably tell you, I am like the biggest freak about fireworks on the planet. We do them at home now, and I spend a RIDICULOUS amount of money on fireworks. Seriously, it's a problem. I have a VIP card to Phantom and everything. Anyflush, standing in the men's line. The guy behind me hands me a $10 bill. He says give this to the attendant at the door and don't let him give you any shit! I get to the door. The attendant looks at me up and down. Raises an eyebrow. I show him my recently acquired cash. He holds out his white gloved hand. I hand over the bill. YEAH! No problems. I take the one open stall. I hear many of the guys belly aching about a chic in the bathroom while they are at the urinals. I'm guessing those are the guys worried about the size of the itty bitties, I could care less. I just peed!
I hurry out. Wash my hands, obviously there is no line for that. Men's room. I just want to say, it's totally gross that you guys don't wash your hands, but that is another story all together. I high five the guy who gave me the cut in line and the $10. I smile and wave at the dumbasses still standing in the ladies line who thought I wouldn't dare be THAT ballsy.
I squeezed my way back to the top of the balcony. That was a feat let me tell you. People were pissed giving me dirty looks, shoving me back. Look, I just peed in the men's room. You are so not keeping me down! I made it back to my friends. I had 2 minutes to spare. Sheeeeesh! I SAW THE FIREWORKS SHOW! Woot!
Well, that's how I rang in the 21st century! How bout you? Any crazy New Year's stories?
Have a lovely and very Merry Christmas if you are gone the rest of the week my sweets!!!
30 comments:
I have also gone to the men's room many a time at concerts, sports events, the rodeo. Who has the friggin time to wait with all those women!!
Wow!! What a story, I remember all the hype about the computers around the world coming to a grinding halt and how everyone had their eyes on Australia to see if they blew up at 12:01 AM.
Too funny, you've got a lot of guts to go in any men's room whether to pee or not. Good for you, at least you didn't miss the show!
I love it!
I've used the mens' room quite a few times- most notable one was probably at a Kenny Chesney concert when I was massively pregnant. I just glared at people like are you seriously going to tell the pregnant girl that she can't pee? LOL
What am I voting for? I'll go check it out!
I can't believe you sent them there to vote for you.
Dang.
I wish I'd thought of it.
Anyway, yeah, fireworks and me love each other, I'd have done the same thing.
And I wouldn't have washed my hands!
Today must be the day for peeing stories! If I had hit the men's room years back I wouldn't have had a story for today.
I totally would've been right behind you in the men's line! That kicks lip smackin' ass my dear.
A few years ago we went to New York City for a vacation and at a well known theater, the patrons bathrooms were all unise, co-ed. That was a surprise. But hey, it was NYC.
Secretia
I've been to the Landing in Jacksonville!
I gotta tell this story as long as it doesn't have to involve peepee...
The first year Chief and I were together, we went on a camping trip for New Year's. (In a cabin dork...who would camp in a tent at the end of December?)
There were 6 adults and 6 kids in 3 cars. We got a really late start and a 3 hour trip turned into 5 because Chief just can't seem to leave the RedNeck side of him at home. EVER.
It was 10 minutes til midnight. We were 10 minutes from the cabin and really really trying to get there so we could be together at midnight. A couple of the 12 people were up front in the first truck, Chief, his friend, and a couple of kids were in the middle truck, and my girlfriend, the rest of the kids, and I were bringin' up the tail end.
All of a sudden, I see a deer race past Patton's truck in the front of the line. Not a second later another one jumps in front of our van. A second after that I see the cars pulling over and Chief jumps outta his truck with a big buck knife in his hand!
My first thought was "That crazy Redneck. Doesn't he know those deer are long gone? Why does he have to show out by running in the dark woods on a dark highway to catch a stupid deer?"
I jumped out of the car not seeing Chief anymore, but hearing Patton (in the first truck) yellin' that he hit the deer and his whole front end was smashed into his dashboard!
I start to run up and look, but stop mid stream because what do I see?
Chief walking back to the truck, from out of the darkness, COVERED IN BLOOD. With a HUGE smile on his face. His friend was behind him dragging a doe!
In a matter of seconds they had the dead animal thrown on the back of his truck and 10 minutes later we were at the cabin. My poor children were awaken to a big flood light strung from a tree and Chief gutting the deer on the back of his truck. Blood Everywhere!
That's when he told us he had to do it because it was the doe that hit the truck and it would have suffered a slow painful death on the side of the road.
I had NO idea what I was getting myself into with that man!
Atleast we had really good steak and sausage that weekend!
I remember that New Year's eve. First with my new husband and son. My favorite new years is the one where my daughter fell asleep in the doorway with her balloon fallen to the ground. I think I'll post the picture this New Years.
Thanks for the idea.
You are a very ballsie woman. And I love sending people to vote for you.
You wash your hands and then do all those high-fives? Kinda defeats the purpose...
Love,
The germaphobe.
I just voted for your ass...you owe me your first born or something.
It does not surprise me one little bit that you did this, I would be sorely disappointed had you stood in the lame ass women's line.
I peed in the men's room but not on purpose!!! My family will not let me live that one down!!!
I wash my hands.
And I definitely use paper towel to open the door on the way out.
That's the dirtiest part of a public restroom.
You're better off licking the seats and bowels, than touching the knob out.
I know this from experience.
Oh gawd...ever since I was 16 and drinking in the pubs in England with my guy friends, I have refused to stand in line to use the ladies. I always go straight for the men's room. So much faster (and more disgusting).
I remember New Years Eve 1999....I was in downtown Auckland, NZ and the cheer went up as the proverbial ball dropped and then the cheer ended quickly and everyone stared at the sky and looked around. They all realised that the world was NOT ending and carried on drinking. Ahh the memories.
I am not the least bit surprised. I would have gone in the men's room too. I voted, I hope you win!
lol! Back in the day, there wasn't a mens room in a crowded nightclub that could hold me back! Just take a deep breath, let out a jaunty, "Looking good boys!" and bolt to the cubicle. Never, not once, was I less than welcomed. :o)
Yay to you for doin what you had to do... I once snuck out early of a second city show and ACCIDENTALLY went into the men's room.. but the show got out when I was in there... I was quite freaked out as I sat there wiping and MEN came flooded into the bathroom. I had to run out without even washing!
Well, first off.... High five to "The germaphobe." She and I could take are disenfectant wipes, and hand sanitizer to lunch and get along GREAT! ;) (and any other germ freak, OCD girl, with us!)
Anyshush, as much as I hate to admit it, I've frequented the men's room. Even the portable that I keep in the back of the mini-van! HEY! A germ-freak can HOVER can't she???!!!???
Merry Christmas!
*our
God, look what shopping has done to me. Can't even spell now!
wellllllllllll, i have a slightly similar story, with a slightly different ending. i'll spare you the details for now!
I could not be more proud of you and I would have done the exact same thing. A hole's a hole.
(-:
Oh heck yea! I have totally peed in the mens room!
pssst. I voted for you. If you win can i have a lipsmacker?
You were born with Balls!! They just sit above your belly button!
Yep, totally guilty of using the mens room at concerts and nightclubs. Freaks the boys out (why do their toilets always smell so bad????), but yeah guess they're just scared of a real girl seeing their weiner.
FELLOW FIREWORKS FREAK!
My kinda girl!
You gotta do what you gotta do. I think it is funny when men get all pissed off that there is a woman in the mens' bathroom. Seriously, they can pee on a tree, in an alley, wherever. Zero sympathy!
i use men's restrooms ALL. THE. TIME. i just do not understand what the hell takes women in the bathroom so frigging long. get in, piss, get out. oh yeah, and wash your hands. simple, yes?
This is the second funniest pee story I've read all day.
Makes you wonder how many pee stories I've read today if I've started ranking them.
Anyway, great laugh.
And yes, I get raised eyebrows from men if I wash my hands in the mens room.
That was freiking AWESOME! Must be the week for peeing stories, I just read Daffy's. Ya'll definitly get the ballsy awards.
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