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An Ode to Some Lost Parts

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Some of you know my buddy Ed over at Ed's Merry Pages.  His blog is all decked out for the holidays.  Anydecor, he is having a little procedure done tomorrow, and so, in honor of his loss, this post is dedicated to what he will be missing come tomorrow afternoon.


Make sure you go visit his page.  Leave him some comment love, men need that sort of thing after this procedure.  Babies!  (Really, I don't know what the big deal is.  I pushed three watermelons outta my hooha and all I got was grief for eighteen years at a clip.  Oh, and my bladder doesn't work right anymore.  Cough, laugh...change panties.  Yeah, so again, not really sure what the hell a little snip snip is such a big deal for, but nevertheless, go spread the love.)


A conversation between Ed and his wife:   
(This is totally a dramatization, and really for my amusement only.)
Liz:  Ed, having a vasectomy is the most masculine thing you could do for me.
Ed:  That's what you said about buying the minivan.


And a photo montage:


 
Hopefully Ed has good insurance...the bargain clinic looks like vasectomy FAIL!



 

Hopefully Ed's surgeon has a steady hand.....Yikes!




Badge for Ed to wear PROUDLY:

You totally only get this if you follow through Big Eddie!!


In case, Ed changes his mind, ALTERNATIVE:


Not really sure a zipper isn't just as scary....perhaps not an alternative.
Totally remembering a scene from There's Something About Mary
"Franks and Beans"

And finally and Ode to Ed's Lost Parts:

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to the doc Ed goes
A snip, snip, a burn and tie, and then the doctor sows.
Next it's on the couch he lays
An ice pack on the jewels for days.
Six weeks will pass and off he'll go
And in a cup no sperm should show.
And when the count comes back as nil
The wife will finally seal the deal.
Ed will surely jump for glee,
For this is his Tale of the Vasectomy!

You are a good man Charlie Brown! Ed!  Good luck!  Way to take one for the team!



36 comments:

Mad Woman said...

Hahahaha!!! "That's what you said about the minivan". Awesome!

Good luck Ed! My man did it and is more manly than ever!

Noelle said...

i love that you are on ed's cheerleading team! more men should be brave like him!

i can only see one little problem with the zipper deal-ee-oh. uh...there better be some serious, um, manscaping that happens before the zipper...uh...you know. well, you get my drift.

hey...i got a little somethin' for ya over at my place. and no...it has nothing to do with a vasectomy. or a penis. sorry. ;-)

Alex said...

Gooooooooooooo Ed!

A little snip snip is nothing like pushing watermelons out of your hoo ha. Be a man Ed, shed a tear for the lost tadpoles...but it'll be okay, no more pesky critters running around the place.

Dual Mom said...

I have to agree with you on the big baby ....errr I mean masculine man thing. Really it's a 3 minute procedure.

A guy at work had it done a couple of years ago and took 3 days off. When he came back he expected sympathy from me. My sympathy involved telling him to get out of my face before I bitch slapped him, and that I went grocery shopping 48 hours after pushing my third child out of my vjay. Piss off buddy, no sympathy here.

You are a very good buddy to offer such support!

Menopausal New Mom said...

Ha! I'm laughing at those cartoons you found. I especially liked the first one, yes, what a bunch of wimps men are considering what we put up with.

The Peach Tart said...

The cartoons are perfect and I'm sure will cheer him up. I especially love The Scrota-Zip. Hope all goes well Ed.

That One Mom said...

Babies... WAY easier than a tubal.

Joy said...

Poor Ed! LOL

Daffy said...

Geez! I totally cringed with the first pic! Your ode was beautiful.... I had tears in my eyes...

The convo...has to be the best! I promised hubs no minivan...ever...I'd never do that to him. It's strange though that the color of my vehicle now is ice blue...he picked it. Kinda fairy like if you ask me....

Travis said...

Great stuff! I'm probably going to link ya so people will come over from my page to check ya out!

Moooooog35 said...

It's only bad for the first week.

But then you get to masturbate furiously under DOCTOR'S ORDERS.

Was the best excuse I ever had for watching porn in the middle of the day.

Shell said...

I'm going to have to show Hubs that bargain cartoon! Too funny. I LOVE this post.

Hubs was such a baby after his this summer. Everyone at work called him "cowboy" afterwards because of how he was walking.

Michelle said...

LOL...very funny.

I'm with you on the peepee issue. GOOD GRIEF> I've never had such bladder control issues...this baby must be right on top of my bladder.

Tater Tot Mom said...

You'd think the way some men bitch and moan that they were getting it cut off Bobbit style!

That first cartoon is hilarious!

Good Luck Ed!

MaeRae said...

OMFW! I have just laughed and laughed and gotten some F-ed looks from my coworkers. My honey did this for me 8 1/2 years ago. They are the biggest babies but good for Ed. Now I need to go give him some.

Erin said...

ROFLMAO! Great job here. I love the cartoons to go with your little song. Perfect! Men really are babies, though.

Ed Adams said...

WOW.

A whole post about my NUTs!

And I didn't think your cared.

Thanks for all the love and comments ladies.

Oh, and today is the last day to get FREE WORKING SAMPLES!

Get them while supplies last!

Me-Me King said...

Yikes!!!

Elizabeth J. Adams said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elizabeth J. Adams said...

Blogger Elizabeth J. Adams said...

Very Nice! Can I just say.. first baby I hemhoridged (sp?), then got BI-lateral mastitis (surgery), second baby still-born (nuff said), third baby NICU @ hospital 45 minutes away from us for 18 days and an allergic reaction to some nausea meds, fourth baby spinal tap during epidural and spinal headache, not being able to sit up (with newborn) for a week--- not to mention 40 month--, 3 and 1/3 years of my life pregnant!
The man is doing it for a good reason. Even if he could handle more chaos in the house with more children (which he couldn't), he couldn't handle the birthing process again. It's much harder on a guy than an outpatient surgery that some have related to a "dental procedure". Granted, I don't have balls, but I've dealt with his long enough to know they'll be fine. ("take one for the team, chya!)
Oh, and my first question to the doctor post-procedure, "If he wasn't a MAN, how long would I have to cater to him--meaning, how long should he REALLY need extra help?"

Ed Adams said...

Wow babe!

Never seen a TMI post in the comment section before.

That's awesome.

Anyway, thanks again for letting me put it in you at least 4 times in 15 years.

Carol said...

I love the first cartoon - LMAO!!

What a beautiful little ode you wrote for Ed and his balls.

Meeko Fabulous said...

Not to be gross or anything . . . but my nuts hurt at the thought of a cut, snip, burn, and sew . . . LoL!

Working Mommy said...

LOL...poor Ed!! I;m sure all will be fine, though! If we can push out watermelons...then I think it is only fair the boys should be snipped!

~WM

Nancy Campbell said...

The fact that his sac has inspired poetry should be plenty of solace when he's recovering. HA!

drollgirl said...

oof. he must be petrified. ack! ACK!!

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

wow a whole post dedicated to ed's balzzies. yay

I'm new here. Hi.
following your ass now.

gayle said...

That's so funny!! Love the cartoons...love the poem and love Ed and his wife's comments.

carissajaded said...

Bahahah! that was awesome. I hope the doctor has a steady hand too...


I bet Ed is the only person on the internet who has had 2 blogs about his nuts. He should be so proud.

Unknown Mami said...

Way to be supportive!

Iva said...

OMG!!! GOOD LUCK ED!!!!

{such a hilarious post!!}

Busted Kate said...

OMG, I am laughing so hard tears are streaming down my cheeks! Its that cartoon, damn funniest thing I ever saw. And I love the term hooha, it's my favorite term for the vajayjay!

adrienzgirl said...

Good luck Ed! Look at all the love!

Kelly said...

Holy crap this post has me in pain!

Secretia said...

Ed's male parts have become a thing of legend now.

Corrie Howe said...

If you all (and you know to whom I'm referring) are Ed's friends, I hate to see how you'd treat your enemies.

But then I was always told growing up, "People only tease the ones they like."

Well, I think Ed could stand to be liked a little less. ;-)