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Sex, Lies and Santa Clause is Dead

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I was Google chatting this morning with one of my best bloggy buddies, who shall remain nameless, cause she told me not to make her main page fodder, and then she called me a bish....and we were blowing up all the preconceived notions about stereotypes, and solving the worlds problems, and finding ways to impart world peace and shiz like that.  Yeah, we're awesome like that.

Anyway, we were chatting about things that make us RLF (real life friends).   I consider all my friends, bloggy or otherwise, friends, just so ya'll are aware.  Yes, I'm delusional that way, but you all already know that.  I blog about my life, and it's real, and I have made friends this way, and probably share more with you than people that I see face to face, so there, friends.  We were discussing that neither of us have a whole lot of girlfriends and the reason(s) for that.  We both agreed, neither of us are girly-girls, and that maybe we might just be a little bit too honest.

Too honest you say?  I will explain.  Yes, I am going to blow the lid off some well kept woman secrets.  Listen up!

Women pretend to not like sex.  That way they can use it against men.  They can use it as a reward system.  They can pretend it is more of a duty in marriage than a privilege.  Crap!  It's all crap!  We like it.  Some of us love it.  And I for one, do not ever use it for anything other than intimacy and love with my sweetheart.

Women talk about other women when they are not around.  Especially their friends.  I am not really sure why.  This one is perplexing.  I don't get it.  It is the reason said bloggy buddy and I are so not girly-girls, and why both of us admitted to having no real girlfriends.  Cause here's the thing, if you don't participate, you can't be in the club.  Cattiness is not my thing.  I refuse to gossip, and I am so not in the club.  And, I don't care.  *gasp* Not care that I am not in the club?  What?  ALL women want to be accepted?!  Nope, not this bish, and not my bloggy bud either.

Next, women fart.  Women burp.  Women belch.  Women go number two.

Here are a few other things:  We don't like laundry, dishes, cleaning toilets, cleaning under beds, cleaning closets, picking up the shit everyone leaves where it doesn't belong, changing diapers, wiping butts and snotty noses.  We do it because we have to, and because we love you.

Well, that pretty much covers it.  

Oh yeah, also...Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy.  Not real.



Jessica said...

You got it right on with this post! I was, however, sad to see the Easter Bunny, Santa and The Tooth Ferry are not real. Have a good day!

Daffy said...

Bwwahhaaaa! I totalyl burp, fart AND scratch better than hubs! Well maybe not scratch... I don't have hair on my ass like he does. But two outta the three aint bad.

Sounds like this bbff and I would get along great! *wink wink* FabU post today!

adrienzgirl said...

Sorry, someone had to blow that Santa lie up! :P

adrienzgirl said...

Oh Ducky, you know I love you for real!

Ed Adams said...

Lies, it's all LIES!

There is too a Santa.

He makes me sit on his lap every year.

So what if he insists on being naked!

I still get presents!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

No wonder I like you so much!

adrienzgirl said...

Naked? Dude, what was wrong with your parents?

adrienzgirl said...

Because I am so charming?

Allison said...

You sound like my kind of girl!

Does it make me a freak though that I do actually like to clean sometimes? Maybe that's because I blast 80's music and dance around like I'm on Soul Train!

adrienzgirl said...

Bwahahaha! Soul Train? That is definitely a blast from the past. I will give you a pass since you listen to 80s music.

Anonymous said...

I have the best RLF ever in the world....and the thing that has bonded us together as friends is that neither of us have any other girlfriends.
You forgot one very important thing "girlie girls" do that the rest of us non-girlie...WOMEN don't do....whine, bitch and complain and then not do anything to fix the know the ones....."I hate my husband he is so fat and lazy." and then they buy him a bigass bag of chips a cheap six-pack and go home to fry his fat behind some pork chops. If you don't like something change it!!!!

kys said...

I just do it because I have to (the cleaning stuff). There is no love involved in it.

adrienzgirl said...

@ Anon - Change is definitely in order

kys - you see what I mean? Have to not want to!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

For real, no gossip? Yesterday I got a call from a mom who still has kids in high school and she wanted me to go to a grad night meeting to help out. Ummm. My kid graduated 2 years ago. And she told me she was going to call my BFF and get her to come, too. So I hopped on the e-mail and let BFF know not to pick up the phone when she called and we emailed back and forth about it. Now that was fun gossip, or at least I think that qualifies as gossip. We did do some dishing.

But I am definitely not a girly girl...both my daughters took all those genes with them and mommy groups can be like cults, but lord when I get together with friends we can TALK all night. About everything.

I hear you about the sex thing though. That gets old after awhile. Do they really not like it? Yikes. Poor hubby. One friend I have says she and her husband only snuggle now and he is happy with that. Really? I would love to hear what hubby says about that.

Great post.