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Bully

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

My boys walk home from the bus stop everyday.  It's several houses down from where we live.  So, Kooper calls me the moment he gets off the bus and we talk until I can physically "see" him and his brother.


Last week he called and he was in tears.  He was crying so hard I could barely understand what he was saying.  I had asked the same question I do every day, "How was your day?"


I got from the conversation that someone had been mean.  I just couldn't really make out the details through the tears.


Once he got home I got the whole story.  A kid in his class has been bullying him since school started this year.  He has been calling my son "fat", "stupid" and making fun of him so that he has quit participating in football with the other boys at recess.  He told him the only thing he(my son) could do was outweigh his(the bully) mom.


I was furious to say the least.  I felt the sting of anger hit my eyes, and I fought back the tears with everything I had while I consoled my broken hearted son.  I asked him several questions about the other child, and fought the urge to make disparaging comments about the bully.  We discussed the situation.  I told Kooper that the bully was just jealous.


Kooper retorted "He's not jealous of me mom, I don't have anything he wants, why would he be jealous?" 


I said, "You do too son.  You have friends, and family who love you.  Do you know why people say hurtful things like that?"


"Yes Mom, I know that he does it to make himself feel better.  It still doesn't make it any easier to take." he replied.


My heart skipped a beat.  For a split second I was elated that the things I try to impart in my children are actually sinking in.  Then the reality of his words hit my heart and the stinging in my eyes took over.  I hugged my baby tightly and told him that I loved him.  Told him he was perfect and that no one could take away his dignity unless he gave it to them.  I wiped my tears before he could see them.


I told him that obviously this little boy was lacking something at home.  Kooper argued that this boy claims how perfect his life is all the time.  Boasts about it even.  He has everything.  He has perfect this, and perfect that.  I asked Kooper if he really believed that.  He sat and thought for a moment.  "I guess not.  He wouldn't have to tell everyone if that was true would he Mom?"


"No Koop, he wouldn't."


"He's kinda sad and pathetic huh?"


"Son, obviously he has some issues that we don't know about.  Just remember that and try not to let the things he says get to you."


With that Kooper got up and went to play in his room.


I quickly made a break for my room where I no longer fought the anger or hurt and I let the tears fall from my face.  How dare that child hurt my sweet tender hearted baby!  After I let it out, I washed my face and composed myself.


I spoke to Kooper later and he asked me not to address the situation at school.  He said his teacher had seen him crying after recess and that she assured him that she would correct the problem.  I agreed that this time I would let it go as long as it was addressed by his teacher.


The next time?  Momma Bear is going down to take care of it!


What would you do Smackers?  Have any of you had similar issues with school bullies?

26 comments:

The Random Blogette said...

I actually just had a similar situation with this, but the bully actually got physical with my son. I guess it had been going on for a couple of weeks where they were not getting a long in school.The principal told them both to stay away from each other or tell an adult if there was a problem, but they are both 9 year old boys and they didn't. Then the kid told his mom that my son was using racial slurs (the bully is black) which we knew that my kid wouldn't say anything like that. He doesn't even know what that means. The bully also denied that he ever said anything like that to his mom. But in the end we ended up getting called to the school because the bully shoved my son off of his seat at lunch and my son was thrown to the ground and some how his lunch was all over him. Yet, my son got suspended a day too. Now how the hell does that make any sense!? This jsut happened last wednesday. SO far the kids have been in school for 3 days since the incident and the kid has been staying away from my son. But let me tell you if something like this happens again I will raise some bloody hell. It is so hard when we tell our kids not to be tattle tales and then expect them to get an adult when there is a problem with another kid.

Buffee said...

I'm not a "momma" and the moment I found out about this I wanted to hurt me a bully. Seriously I wanted to march right down to that school and pull that bully aside and humiliate in front of everyone. Bruise his arm from squeezing it so tighting. I still do.

I think you handled the situation with grace and are an amazing momma.

I'm still ready to go do the dirty work if need be.

NO ONE HURTS MY KIDS!

Quirkyloon said...

Bullys are hard.

We've had to deal with our fair of them.

I think the best thing to do is be their super cheerleader at home (which sounds like you are doing).

There's always gonna be some kid who thinks it's okay to slam another kid verbally or physically. It's sad, but true. This is what they have to deal with.
I'm sorry to sound like a debbie downer, but it's just the harsh facts of life. That's why I just reinforce what we know at home. He is loved, he is good, and the best thing he can do? Laugh it off. Show them they have no power over him. He did! But they still persist.

It's an ugly world we live in, but you can be your own child's cheerleader!

I'm sorry your little boy had to go through this.

It sucks...majorly.

Quirkyloon said...

Woops! I just reread my commment. I really should reread it before hitting POST!

I meant be YOUR child's cheerleader, not the bully's! Eeek!

GunDiva said...

Your son is so far ahead of the curve in knowing people. He already knows that if the bully has to brag about it, it's not true. And he knows that it's sad and pathetic. But he's right, it doesn't hurt any less.

Keep up the good work, Momma.

Ed said...

Bullying sucks. I teach my kids "Nut-punch, throat-chop" for just those occasions.

With that being said, I say mean hurtful stuff to people a lot. Not because I'm jealous, or to make myself feel better. I do it because that shit is FUNNY! And they are losers.

But I'm an adult. And I only do it to adults. Unless a kid is an asshole. Then he gets the same treatment.

Regardless, I'm sure Koop didn't deserve this. The other kid definitely does though.

With all that being said, I couldn't help thinking when I read this:
"that no one could take away his dignity"
...that you were about to break out in a Whitney Huston song.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

We dealt with a bully last year. Luckily it was handled and the bully stopped or I swear to you I would've went to the school and thumped that little brat right in the forehead!!!

shaebails said...

OMG....I read this and I CRIED!! I can't IMAGINE what I would do if one of my boys came home and said he was being bullied THAT bad at school. If I were you, I would call the bully's parents and talk to them about it and see if they would do anything. If they don't do something about it and the teacher fails to do anything about it, definitely talk to the principal!!!

Moooooog35 said...

This is why I sent my son to karate.

This is also why I think, in some cases, it's okay for an adult to beat the ever loving shit out of another child or that child's parent.

blueviolet said...

This breaks my heart! I just can't stand this kind of thing and it seems so rampant.

I agree completely with you that he's lacking something at home. I hope it stops!

GB Girl said...

I think you handled this beautifully. Your son sounds like such a smart and insightful young man. He's so far ahead of that creep that bullied him, it's not even funny.

You know what would be funny? You going over to that little bully creep's house and popping his mom and dad one, right in the face.

Too much?
Maybe I should leave the parenting to you. You are clearly the pro!

drollgirl said...

oh this is such a hard situation to deal with. i am not sure what i would do. but i think you did the right thing. you said all of the right things, and you will intervene if necessary!

bullies are such jerks. and there seems to be at least one in every grade at every school. so unfair! but hopefully they all end up in prison eventually so that the rest of us can get on with our lives. :[

Alex said...

I've got a nine year old son and he came home from school and described a similar situation. It seems bullies are universal and never go away.

My boy said the teacher was going to take care of it aswell and we haven't had a problem since.

Koop is a bright boy and you've raised him well.

Babes Mami said...

You are an amazing momma! When I used to get bullied in school my mom would say that I was making it up or deserved or would say 'look at you!' to me. He already knows why someone would say those things, I didn't learn that until I was almost out of high school. That bully better keep staying away because I would hate to see what happened if momma had to go down and handle it.

Jewels Diva® said...

I just hope the teacher actually does something. So many don't. I saw an episode of Dr Phil years ago and he was going to stamp out bullying at schools, clearly he hasn't.

I agree with discussing what you did with your child, but I'd also recommend discussing it with the teacher in question. Ask what they did, and whether there's something else that can be done.

But also be prepared to defend your child by going to the bully's parents and dicussing it with them. Maybe they don't know he's like that, or maybe they're just as bad.

Who knows, but while you try to boost your son's self esteem, maybe self defence classes would help and let him know that you'll be stepping in if this doesn't stop. He may get embarrassed, but in the long run, it's between you stepping in early and your son surviving, or something bad happening. Look at how many kids die from being bullied. They either kill themselves, or are killed by bullies.

Do something before it gets to that.

The bully needs to know he's being watched and his parents need to know you won't take it lying down. Be prepared to sue the family if the bullying gets to bad. Sometimes people need a harsh reality to wake them up.

And your son's sanity and well being is far beyond what some bully's family is worth.

gayle said...

You said all the right things!! If it happens again I would be sure to talk to the teacher. At my school we do not tolerate this type of thing!! You are such a good mother!!

The Blue Zoo said...

I hate bullies!! I dont care if they have a bad home life. They shouldnt be allowed to be assholes! Ugh!!

I hope this mean kid knocks it off.

Dee said...

Girl, just reading this makes me shake all over with anger. I know they're just kids but what in the hell are their parents doing wrong?

I thank God Rusty never really had a problem with bullies (that I knew about), I am honestly scared of what I might have done lol. No joke!

It's so hard to NOT be the "Mamma bear" in this situation! But I know that doing that
usually just makes it harder for our kids.

I can't tell you that I know what I'd do boo! Hugs for Kooper!! And Momma!

Adam Blum said...

My heart goes out to you and your son. Its a tough situation, but it CAN be fixed.

I can help. Please contact me at adamblum@hotmail.com

Maggie said...

Thankfully we haven't had a problem with bullies since the kids started at their current school, but we have had problems before. I've let the school deal with it, because I knew they would, but if they hadn't...you can bet your ass I would have been down there.

I hope Koop's year gets better and that the bully will leave him alone. Poor kid :(

Daffy said...

It's such a fine line, isn't it? There are pros and cons to each way of handling it. Ultimately YOU know Koop best.

You are a fantastic mother

imattlg said...

I was bullied horribly in school. My mother told me how wonderful I was and I never believed her because 'my Mim HAS to say that'. It was not until I stood up to a bully that I gained the confidence I needed. My 5 year old has encountered a little bullying already. I encourage her to 'push' back and use attitude. She is getting stronger. However, I did tell her that if she ever bullies her life will be over as she knows it! I was afraid and embarrassed to tell my parents and I am now an advocate for parents being involved. I could have handled their involvement better than I did the PTSD result of nit knowing how to handle it.

Holly said...

My heart hurts as I have to endure this...we have not had a "bad" situation...but there is one boy who continues to give my son a hard time about everything...we have had a similar conversation abou thim as you have had with your son (his parents just divorced), but deep down I just want to tell my kid (who is big) to tell the other kid to shut up or his gonna make him eat dirt - STOP...I know that is not parenting 101...I don't say it...I just want to! I KNOW that is NOT the answer.

Noelle said...

Once upon I time I was being bullied by a girl at school...a big tongan girl who scared the life out of me...every single day.

I don't remember that my mom ever did anything, but one afternoon when I was walking home from school she started to push and shove me. I thought I was dead for sure.

But my neighbor, a boy several years older than us, saw what was happening and ran across the street and shoved her back, hard...and problaby saved my life.

He let her have it and she never bothered me again, and I was in love with the neighbor for years.

I'm sorry your son has to go through that, but I think you handled it perfectly!!!

*LLUVIA* said...

This makes me very upset. I had a bully growing and she made my life miserable! I did not want to go to school, and I didn't want to tell my mom because I did not want to worry her. It got so bad that I would show up and hour early for school to hide from her and take the long way home (to avoid her). There were times when I did double homework in case she ripped it; I had an extra copy just in case.
She tore my things, took my money, and one day poke my private with a stick. It was horrible!!

I am so afraid of Emna having a bully that I decided if she's going to take lessons on anything it's karate.

Raoulysgirl said...

When my 10 yr. old started kindergarten, there was a boy on her bus who called her "Taco." The really sad part is...my sweetie pie didn't know the boy was making fun of her.

Recently, I've had similar school yard behavior in my own family. Unfortunately, THIS behavior was not with children. My brother (who was previously loved and adored by me...and is almost 40 years old with 2 kiddos of his own) decided to pull out his redneck card in defense of my oldest brother (who is over 40 and has a son in college)...who had decided that he and his wife not liking Mexicans was ok as long as it wasn't MY kids they were talking about. Got all that? Oldest brother's wife started it...oldest brother jumped to her defense...other brother jumped to HIS defense. Long story short? Other brother told me that it shouldn't matter to me if he called my kids "wetbacks" as long as he didn't do it to their faces.

Suffice it to say, I cut off those particular branches of the family tree. Oh yeah...and my DAD decided that their group was more cozy, too. :)