I wrote about that when my BFF, Ducky tragically lost her sister earlier this year. Indulge me please, I don't normally recycle posts or parts of them, but as these words were perfect, I am sharing them again.
Many friends come and go in our lives. We meet some that only share a moment. We meet others who stay awhile and then move on. We have others still, that are part of our lives from childhood forward. Then we meet the few who touch our lives so deeply whether it is for a moment, an hour, a day, or a lifetime our lives are forever changed for knowing them.
When we are fortuitous enough to meet those few, we are better for it. They bring out the best in us. We bring out the best in them.
I have never been a "normal" girl. I didn't care about dolls when I was little. I played with the boys (everyone knows boys have the COOLEST toys). I didn't care about cheerleading or homecoming and prom in high school. I liked muscle cars and VW Bugs. I can change my oil, change a tire, fix an engine...you know, "guy stuff". I like to drive fast and free, and yes, at one point I had so many points on my license, I couldn't get another ticket or I couldn't drive.
So, needless to say, my "close" relationships were typically with guys. Somehow, that doesn't exactly sit well with the girls. Add that to the fact that I am, and always have been, very comfortable with me, in my own skin, you can imagine THAT doesn't translate into many girls wanting to be your BFF either. Insecurity plagues most teens and 20 something girls/women. For that matter, it plagues many of the 30s, 40s and beyond women that I know today.
I've had a few close relationships with girlfriends but they are few and far between, and usually they are girls who are more like me. I wrote about my BFF Shonnie from HS. I am besties with my sisters. I have a BFF that I don't get to see nearly enough Dawn, and then there is my BB chat girls, and of course Ducky.
It's funny because many women have come and gone as friends, but I guess I have some extraordinary standards when it comes to friendship. By definition, to me, friendship is "special". I don't think that my GR8 EXPECTATIONS are extraordinary requests, but you can be the judge.
- Truth. I have zero tolerance for liars. None. It's not negotiable. Everyone who knows me, knows that is a make it or break it in relationships with me.
- Be yourself. I don't want you to like what I do because I do. I don't want you to dislike what I dislike because I dislike it. I don't want you to take up my hobbies because you think it will bring us closer. It won't. Just be you.
- Listen. I listen when you speak. Please extend the same courtesy.
- Do not judge me or others. I don't expect that others share my morals or beliefs, and it isn't my place to tell them, or admonish them for theirs. This is another deal breaker.
- You have to have a sense of humor. Period. I laugh. I laugh until I cry. My sense of humor is lost on many, but seriously, if you can't laugh, and you take life too seriously? We aren't going to be friends. Get over yourself and then get back to me.
- Trustworthy. This is also a deal breaker. If I can't trust you, or if I do trust you, and you betray that trust. THAT IS ALL SHE WROTE as they say.
- Respect. You have to have respect for yourself and for others. If you can't look at yourself in the mirror everyday, and say "Wow, I like myself." Don't even bother trying to insert yourself into mine.
- Acceptance. I will accept you for who you are, and I expect the same. I accept everyone for who they are, and love that life offers such diversity to make things interesting. Seriously, how boring would it be if everyone was a cookie cutter bunch of Stepford Wives?
Which is not to say that I don't forgive them. I do. However, if I can't trust you? I move on with a piece of my heart often left behind. Life is too short and too precious to waste on those who don't respect themselves or others enough to keep your secrets and tell the truth to themselves and others. There is nothing more sad or pathetic than someone who lies to themselves.
Tell me Smackers, what are your deal breakers? What do you expect in a friend? (And don't tell me someone who would bail you out of jail. That's bullshit, if she was a real friend? She'd be there in the cell right next to you!)
See you Smackers tomorrow for SaS Theme. Please keep sending me or leaving in the comments what you all want to see in recipes. Don't forget, you can send me your recipes and I will share them over at Momma B's Kitchen!