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Reincarnation Wreaks Havoc on my Mornings

Friday, October 15, 2010

I am pretty sure, almost certain that I was a serial killer, or something equally as dreadful, ya know like an ambulance chasing attorney, or a big oil lobbyist, or a CEO of an Enron, or a dirty politician in a former life.  All the signs are there.  Instead of being appropriately punished by spending this life as a slug, or a fruit fly, I got a Kamden in the morning.

I am NOT a morning person.  I mean, I would rather let Mike Tyson punch me in the face than be up early in the morning.  I don't sleep much as it is.  When I finally do get to sleep, my little four foot tall walking talking alarm clock goes off.  It's like a bullhorn going off right next to your ear too.

Kamden suffers from SHORT MAN syndrome.  He talks loudly when it's quiet.  When it's loud...he screams is louder.  He talks over everyone.  In the morning he starts talking the moment his feet hit the floor.  Did I mention he's loud?

Kamden is also ADHD as most of you know.  So...add to that a sleep deprived, morning hating, OSCAR THE GROUCH ain't got nothin' on me Mommy with ADD to the mix and it's a recipe for death and destruction disaster.

Our mornings typically consist of the following things:

Screaming and Yelling
Scavenger Hunts for shoes, backpacks, school planners, homework, shoes, shoes, shoes.
More tears....
still hunting....
Copious amounts of caffeine for Mommy.

This morning?  The child couldn't find his shoes, couldn't find his Friday folder, couldn't find his planner, put on the same clothes he wore yesterday after getting a shower, only gets to eat today because his brother was sweet enough to put his lunch in his backpack after Kamden left it on his bed while searching for said items he was scavenging for.  Finally, when he was headed out the door, minus one Friday Folder, he starts walking to the neighbors house for his ride.  Oh, did I mention she was sitting in the driveway?  Kooper is steady yelling "Kamden, Kamden, Kamden!"  He just keeps walking.  I chime in and he finally notices. you see?  I am being punished for something.  I'm pretty sure it was my former life.  Otherwise I would have been blessed with patience.  I have none.

What were you in a former life?  (If you were a butterfly or a fairy or a unicorn or something really cool, I don't want to know.)

Happy Friday...I am off to cook all day.  Granny's turning 86 today and I am making dinner for the whole famn damily.


Anonymous said...

Ha! I feel for you.

I really really do. I'm not a morning person either and I have no patience either.

Apparently, I have no answers or suggestions for you either!

Sorry! But howz about a cyber hug?

Oh, not the touchy feely type either?

Yeah, niether am I!


Jenn said...

It freaks me out that you and I lead parallel lives. Seriously, Brandi. You just described my mornings with McKenna to a T. Well, except the ADD thing. It's entirely possible she has it, we just haven't had her tested.

She's an absolute mess every single morning (and evening) and it drives me up the wall.

Also, I lose my mind when I have to say something more than once - like 15 times: put on your shoes. put on your shoes. SHOES! Put THEM ON. Where's your shoes? Pun on your shoes? McKenna, you need shoes. No, not those, your tennis shoes. No. You can't wear those sparklie pieces of shit that are 8 sizes to big. I don't care. Take them off and find your shoes.


Michelle Pixie said...

Can I just say I am so happy to learn that I am in such good company! I totally feel your pain as it is my pain too. We go this same battle as well and I just don't understand it. I make the girls pick their clothes out, make their lunches, get their backpacks ready the night before and still we have a fight in the mornings. Makes me crazy! And the thing that baffles me the most is we had our parent teacher conferences yesterday and their teachers were going on and on about how nice the girls are and what good listeners they are? Why can't they do that for me? Why must I get to the point where my head is spinning before they take me serious?! GRRRRR!

That One Mom said...

My mornings have been going a lot more smoothly with the kids getting ready separately. This is the only year that will happen. :(

Tell Barnacle I said to chill.

Mo 'Betta said...

No one has ever mistaken me for a morning person either! I was so glad today was a teacher work (well, only a little) drama to deal with this morning! And - what ever your cookin', I want some!

drollgirl said...

ohmyLORD how do you do it?! i guess you have no choice, and there are lots of rewards!

i have zero patience. yesterday at work i had to unplug a modem and wait 2 minutes before restarting. i almost died! waiting two minutes?! jesus. i don't know what my problem is, but patience is always in short supply!

hope granny has a happy birthday!

Papi KoRndOg said...

I feel you on this one. I think you have a little tougher than we do. Monkeyboy replaces my alarm clock on days that I don't get up before he does. He is very vocal until one of us wakes up, usually resulting in Mami hitting me to let me know hes awake lol. Kamden is reminding you that sleep will never happen until 20 years or so, unless he becomes an extremely lazy, nocturnal teenager. Which of course results in you already being programmed to be awake at 6am in which you proceed to torture him back...vicious cycle!!

gayle said...

I am so glad I don't have to go through this anymore because I am so not a am person!!

GB Girl said...

I'm pretty sure if I ever have kids, I will have a similar experience. It would just be my luck because I'm so not a morning person. At all.

I firmly believe in pajamas until at least 10am.

If I had to guess, I would say I was a big fat cat in my former life. I have a lot of fat cat like tendencies - the fat, the eating, the laziness - it's all there.

I must've been a nuisance cat though. The kind that's up your butt all the time, meowing and pawing at stuff and being all needy. That would explain why I have so many nuisance cats in my back yard, my jeep, my pond.

Karma. Feline style.

Buffee said...

I was someone like a really dirty used car salesman,a theif, or someone that did something extremely dirty with money. Had to be.

Buffee said...

And obviously I'm not a mom, because I didn't even comment on the kamden thing.

Holly said...

Are we the same person...I hate mornings...I used to stay up all night (still do) and sleep until 12 or 1 (now I am happy with 7:30 am)...and I have no patience. I was just guessing I was a "mean girl" in another life...oh wait that is this life.

Daffy said...

I'm not sure what I was in a former life....but I know for sure what I'm going to be in the next life and you can damn well bet that the "list" will forever suffer hauntings.

*evil grin*

Raising the coffee mug salute

*LLUVIA* said...

I was something lazy that drags around. Oh wait. Thats what i am right now! LOL