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Think sometimes Moms have to learn to say "No more."

Monday, August 31, 2009

Well, today we packed the kids up and off to school for the beginning of week two!  Yippee!  The first time my hubby and I have had the house all to ourselves since I became an unemployed mom.  So, do we romp all over the house like newlyweds?  Um.....not so much.  There is always something that comes up.  My dad called and asked if my hubby could come look at his truck.  It wouldn't start, and he was going out of town, and my poor excuse for a brother, and his even sadder excuse for a wife wouldn't have a way to get to work.

My husband is the best.  He agreed to go and look at it, on his day off.  We had things we needed to do today, but, we trucked on over and diagnosed and repaired my dad's '93 Frod Explorer.  It had a bad starter.  We  took it down and had it tested and that was the problem.  Funny story.  My husband and the auto parts guy are chatting it up about the starter, the cylanoid on the firewall, that we also purchased for the truck, and changing out the lead on the starter where you attach the power wire.  So my husband says to the auto parts guy, "Maybe I will just change out the cylanoid first and see if that fixes the problem.  I can bring the starter back if it does right?"  Auto parts guy "Yeah.  As long as you haven't tried to install it you can return it."  I look at both of them, stare in disbelief for a moment.  I say to my hubby "'ll be kinda hard to determine if that fixes the know, given that the truck currently has no starter. They both kinda laughed and said..."oh yeah, that might be difficult."

We finished at my mom and dad's and were off to do some shopping for necessities at Wal-Mart.  I truly dread going to Wally World, truly!  But, today, I was amazed.  Seriously, first time, EVER, that I have gone there, finished my shopping needs and checked out without having to wait in a long line.  Not only did I not have to wait, there were several lines open with no waiting.  Strange.  I am going during school and work hours from now on!  I will let you know if it was a fluke or not next time I go.

While we were there we ran into my mother's best friend.  She asked if I had seen her recently and I told her I had.  She commented on how terrible my mother looked this morning when she saw her.  "I know", I agreed.  There certainly is no denying the rapid deteriorating state of my mom.  It is a sad thing to watch.  In the last two years my mom has gone from walking three miles every evening to being on a walker, and sometimes in a wheelchair, with an oxygen tank in tow.  Doctors aren't sure what has caused the health decline.  She has gained probably 60+ pounds, she can barely function.  She is on so much pain medication that I rarely get to have a sober conversation with her.  Every once in a while I catch her and I get glimpses of my mother, but mostly she is in a fog.  It's depressing to see her like this.  She has lost her sight completely in one eye, and the other is not too good either due to Glaucoma.  At least she was able to get disability because of the legally blind stamp the doctor gave her.

The list of ailments my mom has is long and painful, diabetes, hyperthyroid, fibromyalgia, rhuematoid and osteoarthritis, heart disease, high blood pressure, glaucoma, and list just keeps going. She has had those health problems for quite some time, but she was doing well.  She lost about 70 pounds going to Weight Watchers, and she was able to quit taking her blood pressure medication and her diabetes meds as well.  She was able to go out and do just about anything she wanted.  Then, my brother and his wife and their baby moved in.  The decline was almost immediate.  Can you say STRESS?

Her doctors have told her that she needs to remove stress factors, and she will not relent.  She and my dad allow my brother to stay.  He and his wife are the worst sort of free loaders.  They lie, cheat, STEAL and abuse their way through life.  Ugh!  It is awful to say that about someone you are related to, but hey, truth is TRUTH, right?  I can admit it, I have come to terms with it.  Why can't my parents?  You know, my mom tells me I don't understand, you can't just turn your back on your children.  But, I am a mother.  There is no way I will subject myself to the abuse that my parents do.  My parents weren't like that when I was growing up, really they would have never put up with this even 10 years ago.  So, why are they putting up with it now?

I have had the "tough love" conversation with my mom repeatedly.  She doesn't listen, and always says she doesn't want to talk about it.  My brother and his wife come up with the most outlandish and ridiculous stories about why they have no money.  They have more BAD luck than is humanly possible.  SERIOUSLY!  Any normal person would reason out the lies, but for some reason, hook line and sinker, my parents buy it, and everything else they need.

I will continue to have the TOUGH LOVE conversation with her.  I will not change my mind.  He is not welcome in my home.  Sad, I know.  But someone has to stand up for my parents, even if they will not stand up for themselves.

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