Saved by The Bell - Quirky Hops in The Tank

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Smackers, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.....


I love you so much that today I am sharing a really special reader of mine.  If you don't follow her....seriously, I'm not sure we can be friends.  I love her and you will too!  She really needs no explanation for you all to understand the genius that is she...THE TITLE OF HER BLOG SAYS EVERYTHING....


Without further adieu...a doo doo doo...DOO, I present  QUIRKYLOON




Once upon a time a Quirkyloon had a Quirky Son.


They shared five tempestuous and, at times,horrendous years together before Quirkyloonwas saved by the bell.


The school bell.


The day that Quirky Son #1'official education began, the angels sang, the heavens wept with joy. Yes, he entered kindergarten and our lives (especially mine-insert big smile here) changed dramatically.


Albeit, we are still sharing many joyful and, at times, horrific, moments together now that he is in the 8th grade. I still pray for year-round school.


Enter Quirky Son #2 and although we didn't share as much quality horror time together (he was adopted at age 2), I found myself anxiously awaiting the sound of the dear old school bell.


*doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo*


Pray tell! What was that sound? Ah! The sound of the modern school-day bell.


Whee!


Now he, too, is an official member of the public school system: a kindergartner who has been indoctrinated to recognize and love, okay, maybe not love, but understand: the bell.


And those bells are music to my soul!


Yet despite this most welcome onset of the beloved bells,I had forgotten something.


Something very important.


The time in the morning BEFORE the school bell rings.


It's typically a chaotic time with all sorts of scrambling of eggs and minds, reminder yells, and screaming admonishments.


"Did you brush your teeth? Well go do it now!"


"Where's your homework folder? Does it belong in the toy bin? Go get it!"


"Where are your shoes? What do you mean you can't find them? Didn't I tell you to put them in the same
spot, so we can find them?"


"What do you mean your forgot to finish your homework?"


"No, ice-cream is not a good breakfast! Now go get some Cap'n Crunch cereal!"


"Come on guys! We're gonna be late."


Surprisingly, I found myself starting to resent this quality time together.


And then?


The bell went off in my head!


Ah-ha! The wonderful bell system could come to my rescue once again.


I instituted our own at home new pre-school bell. Complete with new rules.


At 8:10 am (MST) there is a line-up in our hallway next to the entry way or in this case, the exit. What this means for my boys is that EVERYTHING must be ready by that time. They must be clothed for the day (hopefully, including clean underwear), back-packs completely;readied, water bottles filled, homework completed and placed in their folders, they must be toileted with bumms wiped clean, breakfast eaten, teeth brushed and for my thirteen-year-old, AXED (an evil and odorous deodorant body spray) for the day.


At 8:09:50 am (MST), I start ringing the bell.


"doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo!"


Yes, I make the annoying bell sound in my own home at which time, the boys line up and we exit the house together.


It's a keeper of a system!


Week three and we're still doing great!


And my vocal chords and sanity have never been happier.


Who says the public school system is sub-par?


What's that I hear?


A bell!


I don't care if another angel got his or her wings!


A Quirkyloon has her sanity back!




B.S. No bells were harmed during the production of this post. They are most revered and respected in this household.

Q&A with my Better Half?

***WARNING***  Big Daddy Cain interview.  If you know me personally.  You should stop reading NOW. (Linda this means you.)

I know that several of you are new, and I am sure you missed the first guest post with the hubs.  He refers to himself as Big Daddy Cain (hence the BDC).  Please go read it first so you understand his...um..err...humor.  We will wait for you. *insert Jeopardy music here*

Another night of truth serum(aka Bacardi 151and Diet Coke) gives us the following Question and Answer session.  Just so everyone is clear on how this works.  I ask questions, he answers.  I transcribe his exact words...no editing, no censoring.  RAW, and UNCUT.  I give you...my life.

Me:  Big Daddy Cain, what do you think of the Lose It Bitches! Challenge? 
BDC:  I think it is great, except my wife has no ass or boobs anymore.
Me:  Um....there is still plenty left.
BDC:  I married a woman with jugs and ass and I'm not sure how I feel about them going away.  It's like my girlfriend left me.
Me:  Just so you know, I was 100 lbs. lighter when we got together.

Me:  Your children made honor roll again.  Are you proud of them?
BDC:  I am really proud of my kids.  They seem to be a lot smarter than their old man.
Me:  They got it from their Momma.
BDC:  Obviously. *eye roll*

Me:  You mentioned that you will be starting a blog support group for men with wives who blog.  You even got your son to support you in your efforts.  Care to speak to that?
BDC:  *hysterical laughter*  I am working on ideas for my blog, however, the lack of support from my blogging wife is hindering my creative efforts.
Me:  I have my own blogs to come up with creative material for.
BDC:  I work 24 hours a day.  That doesn't help.
Me:  You seem to have no problem stretching the truth.
BDC:  Excuse me?
Me:  Did I stutter?
BDC:  Explain to me exactly how I am stretching the truth please?
Me:  You work 24 hours a day?
BDC:  Well, if I am not at work I am asleep, so it might as well be 24 hours a day.
Me:  Well, I don't even sleep.  What do you think about that?
BDC:  They make pills for that.

Me:  So you have a new found love for Lady Gaga huh?
BDC:  Lady Gaga needs to sit on my face and spin.  And I love her music too.
Me: *shaking head*

Me:  You have anything else you would like to comment on?
BDC:  I think Conan O'Brien is the one and only host for The Tonight Show.  Jay Leno can bite my ass.
Me:  I thought you liked Leno?
BDC:  I liked Leno until I found out he was an asshat.  Now he can bite me.
Me:  Asshat...nice word bubs.
BDC:  I stoleded that from you.  My words are not appropriate.
Me:  Like what words?
BDC:  Well, my words would have been, if you don't like that you can suck a dick.  Or kiss my ass.  Or go fuck yourself.  Or go eat a dog turd.  Or a cat turd. Or pretty much any kind of turd.  Or my personal favorite, go shit in your own mouth.
Me:  Sorry I asked.
BDC:  giggles quite pleased with himself.

BDC:  I crack myself up, and you can write that.  Nobody is funnier than a man and his own mind.
Me:  I'm pretty funny.
BDC:  You're pretty funny?
Me:  Yes...me.  I am funny.
BDC:  Well, you're funny in a girly kind of way, but I am fucking hysterical.
Me: *reads his statement back to him in question form*
BDC:  Uh..Yeah!
Me:  So, you don't think I am funny huh?
BDC:  I didn't say that.  I said you are funny in a girly way.  I don't expect you to understand that.
Me:  Oh please...explain away.
BDC:  *giggling* Women have their own sense of humor.  They don't understand poop, pee, fart, burp and all the things that are really humorous in life.
Me:  You have met me right?
BDC:  You don't  find the stink of another's fart humorous.  Even though I get pissed off at the boys, I understand the humor of their stench.
Me:  So, if I were to say...savor the flavor....that would make me funny, not just girly funny?
BDC:  That would make you funny, but that's my line.  I'm pretty sure I should have that copyrighted.
Me:  You stole asshat, just 5 minutes ago.
BDC:  I borrowed asshat.  BTW - I learned that word from a t.v. show about a woman sitting on men's heads and calling it asshat.

BDC:  What? Ask me some more questions.
Me:  Well, I think we have pretty much alienated all my readers.  And we covered, that I am not funny.  So, I think we are done here.
BDC:  *looks at me bleary eyed*  I love you?

Well, there you have it folks.  Another Q&A with my very own Prince Charming.  Ain't I a lucky gal?

Please, please....leave questions for Mr. Funny Man in the comments.  He will be more than happy to answer anything you throw at me.