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GWA: Back Away from the baby and No one gets hurt

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Think Tank Momma



Unleash your ATTITUDE and share the GRATITUDE.





Dear CREEPY Restaurant Manager,
Thank you so much for sharing the germs of every single patron that you shook hands with, with my infant!  Yes, I do realize that she is beautiful.  I know that you just can't help but ogle.  BUT SERIOUSLY, keep yo' hands to yo'self!  Even my 2nd grader knows that.  It wasn't enough that you came by and "Oooo'ed and Awww'ed."  First you touched her hair bow.   That was enough to get my hackles up.  I am certain you heard me as you walked away.  I spoke loud enough for the entire lunch patronage to hear me.  Later though, you came back, again.  And you not only dismissed the fact that I didn't appreciate your touching her clothing, but went a step further and touched her hand?  Really lady!  What part of my attitude was inviting?  Look...in the future....DON'T TOUCH MY BABY!  You and every other old lady who thinks that we are flattered that you think our baby is just oh so cute.  Mommas DO NOT appreciate the germs.  Not only that, it's just freaking creepy to touch other people's children.  Infant or not.  Do not do it.  Next time, be prepared to get your head snatched bald bitch!  I won't do it to those really old ladies.  But you were young enough that I wouldn't feel guilty!
Sincerely,
Not Visiting Your Establishment Again...EVER!

Just for you all, cause you keep asking to see the baby.


Dear Stock Boy @ The Grocery,
Thank you so much for supporting my husband in his attempts to warp my son's mind.  Severed body parts, squeezed dry of all their bloody contents over regular cabbage, is definitely a suitable explanation for how red cabbage came to fruition.   NICE.  Dude, guy code or not, NOT COOL.  While I appreciate the hub's creativity on occasion, there are things that simply do not fly with me.  Even for a second, planting a seed of doubt with my 10yo, who already hates vegetables is soooo not o.k.  Now I will never get him to eat cabbage.  And not because you had hub's back, and perpetuated his untruth, but because it gave Kooper an excuse that I refuse to argue.  It would only give BDC more pleasure.  So THANKS for that.
Sincerely,
Disapproving Science Loving Momma


Dear Spring,
Thanks for stopping by.  I appreciate the whole five seconds of your visit.  It is quite generous of you to move on so quickly making room for Summer to take your three months and adding it to hers.  That Summer, she is a greedy bitch ain't she?  Please come again, when you can't stay so long!
Sweaty Already,
Dreading the Scorcher Season

Alrighty Smackers.  Write your letters and linky link below!  I will visit you all!

LOVE!








32 comments:

That One Mom said...

Darn men and their prank playing...
BDC and I are gonna have words...

Viv said...

I am a big *don't touch* freak. If someone asks to hold my child, I will pump tons of hand sanitizer into their hands to drop the hint that it needs to be rubbed in up their forearms, assuming they're family and I can't say no.

The Blue Zoo said...

Oh yes. I always carried hand sanitizer with me. If anyone even reached toward my child they were quickly doused! lol

The Blue Zoo said...

Oh yes. I always carried hand sanitizer with me. If anyone even reached toward my child they were quickly doused! lol

Quixotic said...

Hmm... I must give good death stares, people would walk up to GG cooing and reaching, glance at me and then stop dead in their tracks!! Scary sleep-deprived mama gonna eat you biatch!! lol Mind you, see is sooooooo cute - hard to resist!!!!

Mad Woman said...

I laughed so hard at the cabbage thing. Especially when I read BDC's account of it. I always wanted to bite people who touched my kids. Then I took to just letting my kids puke on them.

Ian said...

There is nothing worse than kid touchers. I hate that shit. He or she and I would have had some words

ScoMan said...

I have to admit, I probably would have played along with the blood cabbage thing too.

In fact, my friend was just here with his two year old and I was telling his two year old you should always listen to strangers.

Maybe I'm a bad person...

Momma Fargo said...

I'll loan you my Taser for the toucher freaks. And on the red cabbage...tell your kids about stranger danger.

June said...

Are spring is in full swing...It's gonna rain for 2 days straight!!
Won't see sunshine or warm temps till Friday.

I love BDC humor. Sorry Momma. I won't encourage it.

Daffy said...

Ugh...the kid touchers....we went to a Chinese place one time and the waitress took my baby right out of the highchair. Just walked up...didn't say a word...and snatched her up. You can better your ass there was NO communication issue there. I don't give a shit what language you speak (or don't) when I knock you the eff out, you're gonna know what I mean!

Dual Mom said...

Hmmmm Alison really wants to get her point across about not touching her kids. Of course now you're going to delete 5 of the 6 repeats of her comment and I'll look like I'm retarded.

I read hubs account of the red cabbage. It was kinda funny....sorry! Hey, you're the one that TOLD him he could blog and then TOLD us to follow him.

My Mercurial Nature said...

I'd never get my son to eat cabbage ever again if he heard such a story...and immediately end the life of anyone who attempted to such a story to my kid. All the better if it's the hubby. ;-)

Me-Me King said...

Yeah, Spring has come and gone here too. I just can't wait for the weeks upon weeks of temperature exceeding 110 degrees every stinkin' day....hmphf!

Salt said...

Ew restaurant manager!! I am going to be such an overprotective mess when I have a child. I'm germ-phobic enough as it is without having to worry about strangers touching my future offspring.

Moooooog35 said...

I will touch your baby just because you don't want me to.

It's like a creepy challenge.

Danielle said...

Your hubby is almost as funny as you! ;)

Nancy C said...

I imagine all sorts of people tell you that the baby needs a hat or socks or is underdressed or overdressed. After all, this is your fifth baby, so you don't have a clue.

People. Really.

Iva said...

she is so cute!!

Mae Rae said...

good points but the guy thing, it is just gonna happen.

Shell said...

I only had to deal with people touching my first baby. After that, my older kids would HIT someone who touched the baby.

*LLUVIA* said...

OH.

MY.


GAWD!

don't even get me started with the DON'T TOUCH MY BABY THING!!!

I was so freaking paranoid, I covered her up!! I'd tell people she was napping. One time and man came up and touched her!! I was mad mad mad! I carry a hand sanitizer and make everyone use before they touch her...YEP!!! I sure do!

drollgirl said...

you need to wear a shirt that says DON'T TOUCH MY BABY!

and i am loving spring. AND DREADING THE SWEATY SEASON, TOO!!! s h u d d e r.

Angelia said...

I actually considered turning on the AC. Not cool.

Aunt Juicebox said...

I would totally touch that baby. She's cute. ;)

gayle said...

When my little ones were little I coudn't stand it when some one touched then. I would have flipped out!!

~J said...

Oh man..feelin ya on strangers pawing the babies...so rude!

jessalyn said...

she is adorable!! i want to touch her face.
jk.
but really though, i don't even like it when people touch me. i can only imagine i would flip if someone dirty person put their filth on my bambino!

Cameron said...

hi lady! oh how cute little baby girl is I'm sooooooo glad you shared the pic!!!!!!!!!!

have missed you, i have a few more weeks til baby comes and have been mia trying to NOT get sick daily = my big challenge!

happy to see you here in bloggy land, hugs!

Powdered Toast Man said...

Funny shit. I learned a valuable lesson not to touch people's babies. I forgot about the germ factor.

Dear Asshole Drivers,

Please learn how to use a fucking turn signal or next time my bumper will have to be removed from your rectum.

Thank you
Sincerely,
The guy behind you pissed off.

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Tracie said...

I used to get pretty mad when people touched my babies, too.

(Did that sound pervy?)