GWA: How Zgirlella Got Her Groove Back

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Unleash the Attitude and share your Gratitude!

Dear Legos,

Thank you so much for making little pieces with pointy edges that fit perfectly into the arch of my foot.  They are designed perfectly to cause maximum, straight to the brain with no 15 second delay, PAIN.  I am also particularly fond of the pieces created to serve as lights on the Star Wars ships.  They hurt so good.  I am in awe of your ability to always seem to be missing pieces while we are trying to put sets together, yet the moment you touch a boy's bedroom floor, your pieces seem to reproduce like frogs after a rain storm.

Thanks for your Innovation,

Sore Footed Momma

Dear NBC,

Thank you so much for your douchebaggery and overall incompetence in supplying great Late Night programming.  Whilst I do miss Jimmy Fallon, once you pulled the plug on Coco I just had to boycott you.  Thankfully, the good folks at TBS have vision.  They have scooped up what you tossed out, you know one man's trash, is another man's treasure and all.  So come November, I get cable late night programming with Conan O'Brien!?!  HELL YEAH!

THANKS AGAIN,

Cable Lovin' Insomniac Momma

Dear Mojo,
Thanks for trying to evade me with your less than stellar ninja spook skillz.  Too bad for you I am like a SUPER SPY with SUPER FLY detective skillz!  I hunted your ass down.  Beat you over the head, and brought your bitch ass back.  BTW, trying to disguise yourself by hiding under the piles of laundry that I don't do....niiiiice.  Your spook skills might have been top notch back in the day, but they are no match, for I am the freaking Ghost Whisperer.  'Cept not nearly as annoying as Jennifer Love Hewitt and without the fake eyelashes!
Sincerely,
Will stomp you into submission if I have to hunt you down again.


Alright Smackers.  You know what to do.  Write your letters.  Then linky loo below.  I will visit, others with visit.  It'll be a great big attitude adjustment love fest.  Won't that be fun?


Before you go....leave me some SMACK!  Love!

The Many Faces of Motherhood

As you all know, I have a propensity to give out monikers.  Well, it's a family trait I suppose.  I've said before I have a couple of nicknames that the boys (including BDC) like to use to refer to me.  Today they added to the list.  My boys, they really love me.

So I thought I would share the many faces and names of my motherhood.

Rob Mom Zombie

This is a  new one.  Since the baby has made her arrival, I have been running on empty.  So, as I walk, and breathe, and sleep standing up, I have become Mom Zombie according the boys.  I am certain all moms can identify with this one.

   

Identifiers:

No Sleep

The Walking Dead

Could Eat the Face off ALL Family Members

GODMomZilla

Momzilla is a beastly Mother.  She stomps through the house screaming with angry feet  and breathing fire.  MomZilla typically rears her head at least one week a month.

Identifiers:

Rage

Screaming

Jumping Down the Throats of the Innocent

Knocking Shit Over and Demanding The Innocent Clean it Up.

Mommalicious

This siren typically graces BDC with her presence on date nights.  When I walk out of the bedroom dressed for dates the boys call me Mommalicious.




Identifiers:
Real clothes (Any form of PJs do not qualify)
Hair did!
Makeup DONE!

Last but certainly not least...
Moms-a-lot
This is the face of Motherhood seen the most.  The short order cook, the chauffeur, the butt wiper, the keeper of the schedules, the homework helper, the discipline giver, the unappreciated, the grocery getter, the catch all.

Identifiers:
The Doer of all things MOM.
Requires copious amounts of Caffeine.



So tell me, what do yours call you?  What are the faces of your xxx-hood?


(All images were available via Google images and modified via FotoFlexer.)

GWA: Groove be Damned

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Unleash that Attitude and share your Gratitude!

Dear Mojo,

Thanks for leaving me high and dry.  Nothing like being left hanging.  Please return ASAP.

Pleadingly,

Unmotivated Momma

Dear Muse,

Thanks for running away with my mojo.  I hope the two of you enjoyed your torrid affair.  However, I need you to get your ass back here.  I can't blog or write a book without your ass.  Please get the lead out.  I will come hunt you down if necessary.  You would prefer the method of returning on your own.  Trust me.

Pissed,

Unamused Non-writing Momma

You know what to do...so write your attitude adjustments and get back here to linky linky!

ALSO.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MICHAEL TODAY!  HE IS 12!  

Pinky Promise

Yesterday, I was talking on the phone to BDC.  I don't remember how the conversation was really going until we got on the subject of the sex we didn't have the night before.  He busted out with something along the lines of you promised, and you blew me off (TWHS).  Meaning I didn't have sex not that I got the job done, as it were.  There was no promise of sex that day either.

So I argued that he passed out early, which is typically the case.  Then the conversation got interesting.  I said, "I did NOT Pinky Swear."  We giggled about it.  He wanted to know how we could pinky swear over the phone.  I said I could email him and then he would know I made the promise.  He said text "pinky swears" would work too.  We laughed and ended the conversation.

About 25 minutes later he called me back.  

Me:  "Hello?"

BDC:  "Hey, just testing my phone.  I thought it was broken."

Me:  "Why?"

BDC:  "I was sure you would've sent me a pinky swear for sex by now."

Me:  "Nice."

BDC:  Laughs...A LOT.

Me: "I love you."

BDC:  "I love you."

*click* *click*

About 10 minutes go by and the following text convo goes down.

Me:  Will trade sex for back/shoulder rub!!  Pinky swear it!!  :D

BDC:  Pinky swear

BDC:  Does that include any oral sex?

Me:  Does that matter?

BDC:  Just curious

Me:  We shall see young padawan learner

BDC:  Oh ya i keep forgetting you are older

Me:  I was thinking more along the lines, Master still has much to teach you she does.

Me:  But thanks for calling me old....ass.

Me:  *rolls eye*

BDC:  I love you more.  (this is what he sends me anytime he is trying to be funny or avoid a subject.  It's sort of an inside joke.)

Me:  Uh-huh!  Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrre you do!

Just a little glimpse at the silliness that BDC and I add to our marriage to spice things up.

What do you do to keep it spicy? 

GWA: Back Away from the baby and No one gets hurt

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Unleash your ATTITUDE and share the GRATITUDE.

Dear CREEPY Restaurant Manager,

Thank you so much for sharing the germs of every single patron that you shook hands with, with my infant!  Yes, I do realize that she is beautiful.  I know that you just can't help but ogle.  BUT SERIOUSLY, keep yo' hands to yo'self!  Even my 2nd grader knows that.  It wasn't enough that you came by and "Oooo'ed and Awww'ed."  First you touched her hair bow.   That was enough to get my hackles up.  I am certain you heard me as you walked away.  I spoke loud enough for the entire lunch patronage to hear me.  Later though, you came back, again.  And you not only dismissed the fact that I didn't appreciate your touching her clothing, but went a step further and touched her hand?  Really lady!  What part of my attitude was inviting?  Look...in the future....DON'T TOUCH MY BABY!  You and every other old lady who thinks that we are flattered that you think our baby is just oh so cute.  Mommas DO NOT appreciate the germs.  Not only that, it's just freaking creepy to touch other people's children.  Infant or not.  Do not do it.  Next time, be prepared to get your head snatched bald bitch!  I won't do it to those really old ladies.  But you were young enough that I wouldn't feel guilty!

Sincerely,

Not Visiting Your Establishment Again...EVER!

Just for you all, cause you keep asking to see the baby.

Dear Stock Boy @ The Grocery,

Thank you so much for supporting my husband in his attempts to warp my son's mind.  Severed body parts, squeezed dry of all their bloody contents over regular cabbage, is definitely a suitable explanation for how red cabbage came to fruition.   NICE.  Dude, guy code or not, NOT COOL.  While I appreciate the hub's creativity on occasion, there are things that simply do not fly with me.  Even for a second, planting a seed of doubt with my 10yo, who already hates vegetables is soooo not o.k.  Now I will never get him to eat cabbage.  And not because you had hub's back, and perpetuated his untruth, but because it gave Kooper an excuse that I refuse to argue.  It would only give BDC more pleasure.  So THANKS for that.

Sincerely,

Disapproving Science Loving Momma

Dear Spring,

Thanks for stopping by.  I appreciate the whole five seconds of your visit.  It is quite generous of you to move on so quickly making room for Summer to take your three months and adding it to hers.  That Summer, she is a greedy bitch ain't she?  Please come again, when you can't stay so long!

Sweaty Already,

Dreading the Scorcher Season

Alrighty Smackers.  Write your letters and linky link below!  I will visit you all!

LOVE!

Another Sixty Seconds

Once again, Ian...the original Pimp Daddy is hosting the Monday Minute.  And I am going to answer his questions.  You know, the Smack Talk way!

What's wrong with fake breasts?
There is nothing wrong with fake breasts done tastefully.  However, I think natural breasts are much more appealing to the female physique.  I am all for doing what makes you feel better about yourself from a self body image perspective.  So if it makes a woman feel more like a woman, or comfortable in her own skin, than more power to the silicone or saline.  I do think having size DD, DDD, or larger boobies on a size 0 frame is ridiculous though.  That is just objectifying yourself for the sake of ogling.  Then those women typically bitch about men staring.  REALLY?  You made your boobs the size of summer melons and your body is the size of the skeleton from high school biology class and you can't fathom why people are staring?  It ain't that you look hot honey!  It's that you look ridiculous.  Just sayin'

List your latest run-in with the Carnival of Idiocy.
You will have to tune in tomorrow for Gratitude with Attitude for my run ins.  I have a couple of them this week.  People never cease to amaze.  I will thank them properly tomorrow for sharing the STOOPID.

Name one thing you would like to tell your 10 year ago self.
You will find yourself unemployed in ten years with five children.  SAVE MONEY NOW.  And don't run up the debt!  Yeah, that's pretty much what I'd tell myself.

What's your favorite word that's not in the dictionary? 
I have several.  I make up words....a lot.  Which is strange because I love words so much, but nevertheless, I make up words.  I think it has something to do with having children.  They make up words all the time.  And once your children change words that's the way you hear them, and often speak them from thence forward.  For example:  Kooper couldn't say underwear.  He called them nunderwears.  Everyone who lives in my house calls all under garments nunderwears.
Many of my favorites though didn't come from children.  Not by a long shot.  The "f" word is probably one of the best.  Fucktard.  Fackwad.  Stupify.  

Why do fools fall in love?
I don't think you have to be a fool to fall in love.  Though, love often makes us crazy out of our heads.  Love can make you lose all sense of the real world because you can think of nothing else.  And we often don't get to choose who we love, we just can't explain it.  If that makes us fools...I don't want to be a thinker.

Now go join the fun over at Ian's.

AND DON'T FORGET...tomorrow is Gratitude with Attitude!

 

Big Daddy Blogs-a-lot

Life as we know it will never be the same.  BDC has his own blog!  *gasp* I know!  He kept wanting to blog on mine so.....I made him his own blog!

Should be some random.  Should be some funny.  Lord help us, I am not sure.  He amuses me on a regular basis, so you all will probably enjoy his temerity as well.  You can expect some effrontery, some irreverence no doubt, but it's all about his skewed view of reality.  I take no responsibility for what you might read there.

He will be a big growler to live with if he doesn't get some followers, and quick, so be good little Lip Smackers and go love on my hubby!  Love him....just don't LOVE him.  Ya hear me?

Liquid Truth is BDC's space.  He is pecking away at the keyboard even as we speak.  He ordered some 3D animation software...for the boys.  So I expect that you will be subjected to many a goofball YouTube video in short order.

So go on over and say hello. 

HAPPY EASTER SMACKERS!