Bliss or Miss....

Ahhh......you hear that?  That is silence baby!  The children went to school.  The dogs are still sleeping.  I walked back to their kennels and they just looked up at me like "Yeah right!  There is no way we are going outside right now!"  So....I let them go back to sleep(the dogs people, not the children!  Geez!).

I was really stoked about my morning.  I was going to take the boys to school.  Come home, make some breakfast(for myself, I did feed the children, cereal, Duh!).  Take a nice long HOT bath, and enjoy my nice quiet empty house.

Then as we scurried about to get ready for school, we go to brush teeth this morning and guess what?  THE PIPES ARE FROZEN!  That's right.  We have no water this morning!  It's that cold in FL.  Look, I know you all are saying "She is never happy, just last week she was begging for some snow."  Ok, look.  I  wanted a WHITE Christmas.  I still wouldn't mind seeing some white stuff.  BUT, we just get this frigid cold and nothing to go with it.  That SUCKS.

It's like getting all hot and bothered on a date and then getting to the door and not even so much as a good night peck on the cheek!  Mother Nature is a tease.  Now I know that my buddies Daff and Erin are saying SHE (Mama Nature) is a dirty whore right about now, not a tease.   I know you girls are feeling a little more than a tit bit nipply!

But, girls, I HAVE NO WATER.  It won't be above freezing for hours.  So, if anybody needs me.......I will be sitting in the silence, with no water, unable to bathe, brush teeth, or make coffee.  So my day of bliss.....

FAIL!

EVEN people in CALIFORNIA are cold.  Like my buddy Meeko.  He is so cold he has to wear his Monkey Slippers to work.  (I may have made that part up, but go see him.  Why?  BECAUSE I SAID SO, he's funny.  AND I, yes THINK TANK MOMMA will win some Starbuck's!  Just think, then when the water freezes again I can just go use my pretty little gift card from Meeko!)

Post-It Note Tuesday: Walkin in the Arctic for Choos

It's Tuesday, which means only one thing. Lots and lots of Post-It Notes all over Blogland.

Thanks to the ultra fabulous SupahMommy.

So join the FUN!

Grab the button.

Head over to this site and make your own post-its and get to postin'!

Then go to SupahMommy site and do the Mr. Linky thing so people can come and see yours too!

Yes, this is a show me yours and I'll show you mine, or whatevs...I suppose you pervy types can just be voyeuristic and look on from the corners if ya like.

So here we go, stick 'em if you got 'em!

 

 

 

 

 

Friday...go see That One Mom @ Chronicles of an Only Parent

 

 

 

There you have it Smackers.  Another SUPER STICKY Moment between friends.  I apologize to all of you for not being responsive to your comments.  I have been a wee (pun intended) bit busy here at the Tank.  I am getting it together, I swear.  The children go back to school Wednesday.  I have the LIB (Lose It Bitches!) site up, and I have been working really hard with my contributors to make it special for you.

As always I leave you with LOVE!

I've been abused by inanimate objects!

So I got in a fight.  It was a verbal one, not fist to cuffs or anything.  Let me tell you something, the bitches said some mean shit too!  They called me ugly things.  UGLY THINGS!

I was getting ready for my day.  I took a nice long bubble bath.  I got out, went through my everyday OCD normal routine.  Brushing hair, spraying stuff here and there, lathering lotions from head to toe in efforts to keep my vain self looking young because the air is so dry and Lord knows there are enough alligators in FL already.  I decide since I have yet to get dressed that I will "weigh in" since I gotta have a starting point for Lose It Bitches!

I step on the scale, and that's when the verbal abuse started to take place.

Me:  Wiping my eyes in disbelief.  (I am half blind without my glasses, and obviously I am taking those bitches off for weigh in.  Duh!)
Bitch:  Heh.  Why are you squinting fatass, the numbers aren't gonna change?
Me: Huh?  the fuck?
Bitch:  Yeah, I am talking to you, the lard ass that hasn't ever met a cake she didn't like!
Me: Looking around in disbelief
Bitch:  Down here whale!
Me:  Looking down and puzzled.
Bitch:  O.k., apparently you are a stoopid bitch in addition to being an obese food addict.
Me: Ah.  The scale is talking shit.  Is it really necessary to talk to me that way?  I am getting on a program starting today.
Bitch:  Sure you are. (sarcasm was so thick I saw numbers roll as she rolled her eyes at me.)
Me:  No really.  I gotta do something and I made all my blog buddies part of a contest so I couldn't just ignore it anymore.  AND Dual Mom double dog dared me.
From the bedroom I hear "Pshhhhhaaaaaw!"
Me: the fuck?
Bitch:  Hey fat bitch, you are breaking my back, mind stepping the fuck off?  And just so you know, that is the gym in there calling your triple sized fat ass a LIAR.  Do me a favor too, would ya?  Don't you dare step on me again until you and the Gold's bitch in the other room become real close.  Like you and that bitch better become one.  You better visit her every fucking day, and I suggest you work with her for at least an hour a day.  AND stay outta the fridge.  You get all that?  Do I need to write it down for you?  SPELL IT OUT?
Me:  Stepping off.  Look, it really isn't necessary to be that rude.  I am doing something about it.
Bitch:  *LOUD SIGH OF RELIEF*

I didn't wait for more insults, I just turned and walked out of the bathroom.  As soon as I pushed the door from the bathroom into my bedroom I hear giggles.  I cut some cool eyes to the corner where the Bitch Gold's Gym sits.

Gold's Bitch:  Oh. yeah. give me dirty looks.  Like it's my fault that I have become a clothes rack.
Me:  What?
GB:  You used me for what two months?  Now I just catch your clothes.  It's embarrassing really.
Me:  Well, excuse me.  I will be cleaning you off straight away.  We have business you and I.
GB:  Yeah yeah....I heard the conversation you had with the scale.  I will believe it when I see it.  Look at you.
Me:  What?
GB:  Girl, have you looked at your fat ass in the mirror lately?
Me:  Yeah, I do everyday.  Brush my teeth, brush my hair, put on moisturizer....
GB:  Not that mirror.  Go look at the full length one in the closet.  You know, the one I bet your whole ass doesn't even fit in anymore.
Me:  RUDE!
GB:  No, it's rude to step on the scale.  It's rude to use a home gym as a clothes rack.  It's rude to buy new clothes and then gain weight so they just collect dust in the closet.  And don't even get me started about how rude you are to all those pretty red shoes.  Let me clue you in on something fatass, flip flops, in the middle of winter, screams...FAT AND LAZY!

I walked out and slammed the door!

They might not take me seriously...but I know you all do!

Go follow us over at Lose It Bitches!  There are a group of contributors including me and Dual Mom.  There will be great content over there.  Recipes, work out tips.  ENCOURAGEMENT!

Starting photo.  My camera isn't working.  But this is recent and UN-FUCKING-FLATTERING.  Me in all my gluttonous glory!

Buh-Bye 09, Hello 10

Adios 2009!  I am kicking you to the curb.  Each and every shitty bit of you!  Please don't take offense.  You earned a proper jackass send off.  Everything about 2009 sucked.  Except my sweet family, they were great, but everything else?  GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!  Buh-BYE!  C-Ya!  Don't let the door hit ya, where the good Lord split ya!

Well, now that I got that outta my system, I'm freakin' tired.  Whew!

Anykick, looking forward to something better, sweeter, more resolved in 2010.  So what does everyone do this time of year?  They make resolutions that let's face it, last about a week.  I don't think I have ever made New Year's Resolutions before.  Nope, not that I can remember.  I mean I make goals, but I do that all the time anyway.  And really?  I am way to ADD to make a YEAR LONG GOAL.  It would be ridiculous to think that I could even recall what my train of thought was a year later.  PUH-LEEEEEZE!

But I have put some thought into this and I think I have some resolutions. GASP!  WHA?  Did she just say resolutionS?  PLURAL?  YEP SHE DID!  Do not adjust your monitors.  You did read that right.   But before you all get your fancy pants, overall britches and pretty panties all bunched up....simmer down.  Let me 'splain it ya!

Here is my list:

I resolve to not sweat the small stuff.  (Not that my bitching about it will be any less, just not gonna sweat it.  Apparently there will be enough of that(sweating) going on when I am being whipped into shape by The Dominatrix aka Dual Mom)

I resolve to correct asshats walking in the outdoor (cause really, that shit pisses me off, and if they can't read I will direct them to the nearest adult literacy center.)

I resolve to eat less and exercise more. (Cause Dual Mom is an evil hooker whore and is forcing this diet shit down my throat.)

I resolve to blog it with attitude and up the ante on a regular basis. (Shock and awe people, shock and awe)

I resolve to clean my house more.  (Or get a job so I can hire someone to do it! Hey, I will be creating two jobs.  Bonus!  Just consider it me doing what I can to stimulate the economy!)

I resolve to produce a graduated adult and get her ass in college! (Love ya darling daughter but it's time for you to experience the great big WORLD.  Good Luck with that!)

Well I must say, that is about all the resolving I can do for the moment.  I may come up with more, but, for now, THAT IS ALL.

SO WELCOME 2010!  Don't let me down!

Let's ring it in bitches!

4....3.....2.....1 The Heat is On!

First of all, I have quite a few new followers since the holiday and I want to roll out the red carpet and give them a proper welcome.  So welcome, welcome.  There are no rules here.  NONE.  I want to be upfront about the content here.  I would think it might be obvious, but sometimes Captain Obvious isn't easy to see.  It's not really his fault since he is all fit and trim and everything, you know, being that he is a Super Hero and all. (Duh!  All Super Heroes have to be fit and shit!)  Anycape, as I was stating, this is a no holds barred kind of blog.  I say what I think, and I make no apologies for it.

Well, sometimes I apologize.  It doesn't happen often, cause let's face it, I am seldom wrong.  Why you may be asking yourself?  Well, because for one thing, I am a Type A control freak personality, but second, and more importantly, I HATE TO BE WRONG.  So, if I can't speak to something with almost certainty, I don't speak to it at all.  CUZ I HATE TO BE WRONG.  But, if I am wrong, I'll suck it up and say so.  That said, I pretty much spew my OPINION on everything.  Just so we are clear, OPINIONS are never wrong.  They are merely that, one person's interpretation of reality, a view of life if you will.

One last thing.  While I like to talk pretty, use the ridiculous vocabulary I have acquired because I enjoy reading the dictionary, and try to make sure I keep grammatical errors(other than run-on sentences, LOVE them) to the bare minimum, cause that drives me completely batcrap crazy, I have a foul mouth.  I do.  It's inappropriate, and it's filth-flarring-filth-flarring filth(or so says Bill Cosby, according to Eddie Murphy).  So I warned you.

O.k.  Still here?  FANTASTIC.  Moving right along.

POST TITLE TOPIC.  You have 4 days bitches!  Count them with me, Wed, Thurs, Fri and Sat.  Because I am a forgiving mistress, unlike that mean nasty-get-your-fat-ass-in-shape Dual Mom, we will start on Sunday.  Why?  Well, I am OCD a bit, and the week starts with Sunday, so....we start then.  Deal?  I thought so.

So people, let's get real for a second.  This isn't just about losing weight, although, undoubtedly, we will all do that...together.  It's about getting healthy.  It's about getting fit.  Why?  Quality of life.  Quality of sex!  So we can enjoy activities with our kids more.  So our self esteem improves.  So we live longer.  So we keep our blood sugar in check.  So we don't have daily headaches.  So we don't need medication for high blood pressure due to obesity.  So we look ultra fabulous in that sexy little black dress with red stilettos.  You name it.  Check all that apply to you.  Whatever.  Some of us have a few on the list, some of us have more, some may check all of the above.  This is a support center.  Encouragement hub.  We can do it, if we all do it together.

So, because I love to cook, like....LOVE it.  I will be setting up another blog for recipes.  I will link at the bottom of every Lose It Bitches post with recipes for you all to use(if you want).  I will include calorie info and all that jazz.  Please let me know if you would like to contribute.

Please go visit Dual Mom over at We're at Dad's That Week.  She has a Final Countdown post up.  We were kicking around prizes and stuff over there, so offer your two cents.

And here is my goal for 2010.  I AM DROPPING 100 lbs.  You heard me right.  I know that is like a really huge number(so is my ass), and I know that is a lofty goal, and I know, I know, I know.  But, I will get there.  Eating healthy, exercise, and support will get me there.  And you too, whatever your goal might be.  But let's hear it.  Spill it.  WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

Post-It Notes Tuesday

It's Tuesday, which means only one thing. Lots and lots of Post-It Notes all over Blogland.

Thanks to the ultra fabulous SupahMommy.

So join the FUN!

Grab the button.

Head over to this site and make your own post-its and get to postin'!

Then go to SupahMommy site and do the Mr. Linky thing so people can come and see yours too!

Yes, this is a show me yours and I'll show you mine, or whatevs...I suppose you pervy types can just be voyeuristic and look on from the corners if ya like.

SO, here we go.  Stick 'em if you got 'em!

Apparently Mr. Linky has been saving my info from a post a long time ago when I linked up to Cheesecake Mom, I promise people, I do post-it notes on Tuesday.  I am not linking up for no reason.

 

 

 

 

 

What a mug huh?  Your Dad must be so proud.  You are such an asshat!

Grab the button bitches!  Check out Dual Mom's post on prizes.  Vote for what you want.

Alright Lip Smackers!  Get your butts ready.  It's On Like Donkey Kong Come SATURDAY!!!!

We are in this together.  Here is wishing every single one of you health, wealth and happiness in 2010!

Love!

Soon to be Skinny

Think Tank Momma

I am It!

Tag:  I'm It!  BigSis over at Speaking of Witch tagged me.  She was tagged first and she followed the rules of the game so I guess I will follow through too.  The game?  10 Things That Make Me Happy

1.) Bubble Baths make me happy.  Just me, some music, some bubbles, warm water and something to drink.  Add a couple of candles and there really is no better recipe for relaxation in the world!

2.) Little kids laughter really is there ANYthing more contagious?  That laughter is the best sound on the planet.  You know what I am talking about, the kind you just want to bottle up and take with you for days when you are really down in the dumps.  That laughter makes me happy!


3.) Seeing KARMA in ACTION makes me SQUEEEEEEEEE with happiness.  Most often we don't get to see it come around.  But seriously, there is nothing better than seeing someone get what's coming to them.  If that makes me evil, then well, I guess I am.  But I do revel in seeing people who suck, get what's coming to them!


4.) MUSIC makes me happy.  It can take me back in time, take  me to the future, take me far far away!  I love music.  From the music of the 70s and 80s the music of my childhood to the 90s music of my crazy twenties.  I love it all!

5.) Mexican Food is ooey gooey goodness on a plate!  I could seriously eat it everyday and never tire of it.  Could there be anything better?  Really?

6.) Being Silly with The Hubs is almost the ultimate in happiness.  We are dorks to the core.  When we get our funny bones on, together....there is nothing that makes me more happy.  Two goobers just being well, GOOBERS!  Happiness is what that is!


7.) Playing with my Kids makes me happy.  You know, when the stars align, and the Gods smile on us just right, and they all wake up on the right side of the bed, and I am in just the right mood and sunshine, and rainbows make skittles fall from the sky.  That is HAPPINESS!

8.) Being Selfless is the ultimate in happiness.  Doing for others.  Serving others.  Giving a glimpse of happiness to those who would otherwise not know it. That is happiness that you can only know when you are serving others.

9.) SLEEP make me happy. I don't get peaceful uninterrupted sleep very often, so when I do, IT MAKES ME HAPPY!  Fellow insomniacs will agree with this one!

10.)  BLOGGING no explanation necessary!

So now to tag some others....I am supposed to tag 10.

Duckalicious  from BATCRAP CRAZY
Ed of Ed's Funny Pages
Cheesecake of Mad Boastings of a Cheapskate Mom
June aka Carol over at 3! Charm
Kristin That One Mom of The Chronicles of an Only Parent
Alex my Aussie friend at Whoa-Mummy!
Lily over at Tapdancing in the Dark because I gotta know what is on Lily's list!
Cameron of Conquer the Monkey
Hillbilly Duhn everyone knows Hillbilly Duhn's Times and Tribulations right?
Darla over at Hissy Fits and Halos

So there TAG, you all are IT!